The Estes Family Daily Review

Today... September 24th, 2011

2011-09-23T17:59:00.000-07:00

Today my Dad would have turned the Big 55. I would have made him another gigantic Ding Dong Cake and we would have all gathered together to celebrate. The Lord had different plans for our family today though, and although we dont like it we are learning what life is like to live with out the big man with a big heart.

Memories flood my mind of him, they have all week. I cant say sitting in a hospital room with no escape has made it easier. I dread the day Eli James will be born to a degree because he wont be here for it. I just can't imagine what that will be like birthing his name sake and him missing it.

I can imagine if he were here, he would be thrilled over the new IN&OUT right up the road, and come to see me just to get some. I can imagine that Dr. Ehmer would have called him a few times by now to "Have my dad come sit on me and tell me to hush." In doctor Ehmers words.

Yet, none of this was meant to be. I guess I wrestle with that on some days. It's still hard to believe he's never coming back, and we have to wait for our turn in heaven to see him again. I'm glad today I can remember the big man with a big heart, and cherish the memories he left behind of 54 years well lived. I love and miss you Dad everyday.

Until Next Time,
Julie

1 week, 7 days, 168 hours...

2011-06-04T13:19:00.000-07:00

So, we have made it through the first week, the first 7 days, and the first 168 hours with out my dad. I can honestly say I do not know how people who do not know the Lord, survive loss of this magnitude. It is a hurt a constant pain in your heart and gut like I have never experienced or known. I know time eases all pain, and that the Lord will bring us all through. That doesn't mean I keep from thinking of him constantly, and replaying the past week over and over through my head.

Yes, I believe the Lord knows the time and place he will call us home from the moment he puts us on this earth. I believe with out hesitation that the moment my dad left us, he was standing in Heaven. I have undoubted faith of the promise we will be reunited again. Yet, it's getting through all the weeks, days, and hours until then that seems unfathomable.

I watch my mom, and worry about her being alone. That is when my heart breaks all over again, to watch her alone. My parents were always together, they worked together, farmed together, and took on 7 kids together. It just seems unnatural for her to be alone.

I replay last Saturday over and over in my head. I wish that when my Dad called to say he was sick, and I was there at the shop with my mom that I would have gone with her although she told me to stay and keep the shop open for her. My gut was telling me he was more than heat sick this time. I talked her through CPR on the phone when she called me panicked not knowing what to do. I wish I would have been there to do it for her. Yet, I know in my heart regardless of what anyone would have done different he still wouldn't be here today, it would have just made me feel better.

I read my Bible at least every morning if not more through out the day, searching for words of comfort and peace. I found this scripture today that made me think of his life and how he lived it.
1 Timothy 4:5-6
5 But you, keep your head in all situations, endure hardship, do the work of an evangelist, discharge all the duties of your ministry.
6 For I am already being poured out like a drink offering, and the time for my departure is near. 7 I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. 8 Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the righteous Judge, will award to me on that day—and not only to me, but also to all who have longed for his appearing.

My dad undoubtedly is still everywhere I go. Everywhere I look at the farm, I see memories of him. My favorite way to aggravate him, was to raid his fridge shortly after arriving for his Claussin Pickles. He kept regular off brand hamburger Dill pickles on hand for kids and other company. The Claussin Pickles were his and everyone knew it. I just disregarded the rule. I would eat them all or just leave him one, so the next time he went to make a sandwich he would think of me as he yelled about me eating all his pickles. I went out to babysit the 7 for him and my mom not to long ago, when I raided the fridge for the pickles, he came up and said, "You know the kids pickles are in the door?" I replied, "Oh'... Well, good thing I'm an adult now." He grinned and went on, as I continued to finish off his jar of pickles!

I drove his 15 passenger van for the first time yesterday. 3 packs of Marlboro Red box, an empty Diet Coke bottle, and a note pad with directions he wrote down to somewhere all sitting in the console. Oldies radio blaring, because he was so hard of hearing.Yet, you don't want to change anything you just want to leave it as he had it.

He is at my home too, we had a lot of family gatherings at my house. My favorite was Trenten's Birthday in January when he stole the action figure off his cake, that my dad and I had just argued over him letting Trenten stick his finger in to get icing off of. The next weekend when Trenten went to the farm it was hanging from the light over the dining room table. He lived to aggravate!

The Shop is another place he is everywhere. The last time I saw my Dad alive was standing in the kitchen where I bake and decorate cakes. The first person I wanted to show my magnetic car signs and business cards was him when they came in the mail yesterday. He would have thought they were pretty neat, and been glad I was finally doing something to seriously launch my cake business.

I guess you can say the last week, 7 days, or 168 hours have been the longest of my life. It has seemed unreal, and like a bad dream you just can't get yourself to wake up from. Writing helps, and staying in the word, along with lots of prayers from people who love us. Yet, we have to look ahead to how to get through the next week, the next 7 days, the next 168 hours with out him.

Until Next time,
Julie

Not Your Typical Father-Daughter Duo...

2011-05-28T23:09:00.000-07:00

Many of you know that today my family suffered a major loss. We lost my Dad to what is believed at this point to be a massive heart attack. We will know more in the days to come. We have lost our Rock, our go to guy, our constant pillar of strength in every way.

Any of you who know me, know I have to write at times like these it's all I can do to process everything running through my mind at high speeds. It's not always my wisest decision, but tonight it is what I need.

We were not your typical Father-Daughter duo. I was not Daddy's little princess, I was his worm face. A title I became accustomed to over the years that typical girls would not. We didn't go to Father daughter dances, we found that lame and weird in our opinions that were also always the "right" opinions, but not necessarily the "same" opinion.

We both refused to acknowledge any resemblance of each other, especially when it came to how we behaved or the manner in which we spoke our minds. We butted heads more often than any 2 other people in the family, it was our own way of communication.

Even though we were not your typical father-daughter duo, we were a duo. I learned more from him in the last 5 years, than total of the 24 years before that. I learned good business sense, and that business is business as I ran the office end of the business he had built for 3 years.

I learned the most when I became a mother, and I witnessed him as "Papaw" for the first time. I learned that no matter how much I insisted we were nothing alike, that no 2 people could be more the same. I got to see the big hearted side of him for the first time, he hid from me all the years growing up because he felt the need to be stern not soft. We were able to bond through my children.

I have thought all day of the times we wasted bickering and being Jim and Julie Crye. I thought of all the things I'd like to take back or do-over. Yet we all know, there are no do-overs in life. I thought of the good times we had, and how much I will miss him everyday, and my children will as well. It is hard to be at their house, because I keep looking for him to come stomping in the back door any minute.

I wish we would have said "I love you" more. I hope he knew how much I did love him, how much we all loved him. I am glad I can re-call every time he told me he loved me, and every time he told me he was proud of me because those were words he didn't give away often. Yet in my heart, I know he loved me tremendously, I know he was proud, he was my dad and I was his only daughter.

He was so many things, to so many people. I am glad I got to witness all God had preformed in his life lately. I am so glad that I had a father who loved the Lord, and Served so diligently. If nothing else, I know I learned from his example here. I was always in awe of the way he followed God's call with out hesitation.

I know I learned so much from him, a strong work ethic, how to care for others, and serve others. He was a big man, with a big heart. I loved him so much despite all our bull headedness.... I was one of the blessed few to call him Dad.

He will undoubtedly be missed by all who knew him, I find great joy in the fact that where he is there is no more pain, no more fear, and he is rejoicing with the loved ones who have gone on before him. He is with his brother, his grandparents, and many friends. We are here, but I know I have a promise of seeing him again one day. I will miss his smile, his loud laugh I believe I inherited, and his contagious personality. I will miss watching him as "Papaw" in action taking my boys to feed pigs,the endless tractor rides, stealing Trenten's action figures just to aggravate, and giving my boys rough bucking bull rides on his back.

So even though we weren't the typical Father- Daughter duo, we were a duo indeed. I will love you and miss you dearly dad until we get to meet again. There is no arguing in heaven over who is right, or who is more stubborn so I hope you got it all out of your system while you were here. I love you dad!

Love Your one and only daughter,
Julie

A Beautiful Reminder...

2010-12-20T17:38:00.000-08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A3Jv1Hf2oCw&feature=player_detailpage

If any of you know me even the slightest I have 2 characteristics to my personality that can be used for greater good at times, but can also be a boil on the butt of anyone who is dealing with me. I have honestly just came to the realization in recent years that I do have some issues with being "in control" that daily require me to consciously make an effort to overcome. This issue can cause big walls between you and God as a Christian when you just can't make yourself let go and let God even when you really are trying.

My second issue is "being all things to all people at all costs". I have learned so much about this in the last 6 weeks. God has really taken me on a journey of realizing and overcoming that you just can't be all things to all people that's his job not mine! I have realized recently also that many closest to me have paid a greater cost in my need to make everyone happy. The juggling act crumbled, but God was there. Reminding me of his perfect plan for my life and for my family.

Yet, today another journey the Lord delivered me through. A minor surgery with Doctor Ehmer to remove Endometrial tissue that once in there with their camera could see was nearly on every surface of my female organs and all the cracks and crevices between. I had been told before surgery based on the severity a partial or full hysterectomy were possible. After 6 weeks of contemplating what that would mean as far as never being able to have any more children, what it would all be like afterward. Last night I felt a little anxious and saddened. The planner and control freak in me had finances lined out through February, the grocery shopping done, plans for my 2 closest girlfriends to be here for my boys immediately if anything were to go wrong. Adam covered in anyway possible to make things easier on him after my surgery. Then last night after reading Phil. 4-9 I was reminded my anxiousness was for nothing, that all I needed was to present my requests before the Lord and he would hear me. He would send me peace that passes understanding.

The scriptures were right, I was ready this morning and had peace. I can't Thank those who have prayed for me recently enough, I know with out it I would have been a big ball of nerves. I wanted to share Phil 4-9 and this song by Kari Jobe that radiated in my heart before the surgery, through the surgery, and after. I hope it is a Beautiful reminder for you as well as for me about what its really all about, and how BLESSED we really are. I hope you enjoy!
Until Next Time,
Julie

Kari Jobe Beautiful Lyrics
Here before your alter
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden
Everything that's of myself

I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who you are

Chorus:
Beautiful, Beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
Oh Lord your beautiful to me

Here in your presence
I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash your feet with humble tears
I would be poured out til' nothings left

And I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who You are

Chorus Again

Holy, holy, Holy, You are, you are 4x

Chorus Last time!

The Long Road...

2010-10-24T11:32:00.000-07:00

This week God has reminded me in several ways about how He always has his hand upon us, and how His Plan is the Perfect Plan. I have always struggled with this. I have learned thus far in my life that I like to control my life too much, and I miss out on many Blessings from above because I'm trying to control everything instead of letting go and letting God.

This week so much has happened in this area I could Blog about. I resigned from leading the Wednesday night Children's Program at church which was extremely difficult for me personally. My other responsibilities in life have become to demanding to continue on, yet I worried Who else would do it if not me. This Wednesday night out of the blue a girl who is 14 came and volunteered to help lead Games in our Department on Wednesday nights. My last Wednesday, and God delivered. For it was someone who I could not see coming, but God has an ultimate plan and will always provide.

The stories of how God nudged me this week could go on and on, but none were greater than this Thursday at a Doctor Appointment I had put off as long as I could knowing the verdict would not be what I wanted. Dr. Ehmer and I go way back. I came to him as a 19 year old girl who had suffered for 3 years with female problems. Another doctor wanted to take at least one ovary out. Dr. E as I call him fought to keep it, and give me the chance to become a Mother one day. I looked at him hurting and with tears in my eyes at 19 and said, "Can we just try anything so that I can have a child of my own one day... just one." So we did. No surgeries just medications, and a long painful 4 years later Miracle Baby #1 Blessed our lives. He came from the very ovary another doctor wanted to rid me of, the only ovary that I have that does anything from time to time.

Our family was complete. If God never allowed us another I had one handsome little man who I couldn't love anymore. Just as Dr. E suspected he helped rid me of large ovarian cysts that ruptured and caused extreme pain. We Thanked God for the One Baby every doctor before said would never be possible.

Then Surprise. A year later no fertility treatments, no planning at all Miracle Baby # 2 is conceived. This was really never supposed to happen, a pregnancy with out fertility drugs, so I never doubted the entire pregnancy that God was up to something big here. When he was born and landed in the NICU on a ventilator at 9 lbs. I never doubted that God would bring him through, he wasn't done with him yet. I am so Glad he wasn't because this one changed the whole dynamic of our little family from the day he came home.

I remember after my C-Section they let my mom back to talk to me in recovery because Adam was with Jonah on the way to NICU. My mom couldn't understand why I didn't let him tie my tubes while he was in there. I answered, "because Mom I just want to try one more time for a Girl." She replied, "Your crazy.. with everything you've been through and both deliveries have been rough why do that to yourself?" I said, "Stop and think of your life with out me for a second and then tell me its not worth it." She said no more ever again about my quest for a Third baby. Even though it has seemed crazy to plenty of people including my husband at times.

I thought Miracle # 3 was possible and on its way in June. Until the Lord had a different plan, and yes the control freak in me has definitely struggled with this. I can only say it is the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced to have no control or way to Stop a miscarriage. You just have to endure and then pick your self up and move on with a smile because people don't like to see you with out one. Regardless of what you feel like inside, regardless of weather you think in March I should have had a newborn to hold, and that's not going to happen now. It is definitely something only God can carry you through, nothing you can do on your own. Sadly it's not something you are over in a month either, I don't know when you really get over it because I'm not there yet. I do know that I found great peace in giving her a name, instead of referring to it as "the miscarriage" or "it". My gut tells me it would have been a girl, although it was to early to tell. Everything about the pregnancy was different from day 1 than the boys pregnancies... so that's my opinion. So we named her Adlie. Half Adam's name half my name. Pronounced "Adlee" if that helps. A name we considered for a girl, although Adam really wanted Abigail.

Four months have passed, and as far as my female organs go I am a mess. Trenten fixed me temporarily, Jonah gave me some issues here and there, but Adlie has reeked havoc on me to sum it up nicely. Dr. E believes the pain is endometriosis now, and has put me on 2 medications for this. He is giving the medications 6 weeks to make me feel like a new woman or surgery it is. It has been a long road leading to this point, one that he has held my hand for 10 years now through. I cried as we discussed the possibility of a hysterectomy because even though at this fork in the road I know that is best it is hard to have your female organs removed and KNOW you will never have another child. Yet there is peace here. I love that I have a Christian doctor who can say to me, we prayed for one miracle and God blessed you with two... what more could you ask for.

I have peace that there are many ways to be a mother. God has blessed our family with the witness of that through the 7 over the past 4 months also. Do I think it is by coincidence that all of that runs together. I do not. I have been reminded that there are lots of great kids who need someone to love them and teach them right here in our community. So if I have a hysterectomy does that mean I will never have a 3rd... I don't believe so. This is where I find my peace. In that the Lord has a perfect plan not only for me, but for my family, and although it is unknown I need not worry for it is in the Masters Hands!

Our Journey together has Only Just Begun...

They have been worth every moment along the Long Road!

Until Next Time,
Julie

Just a Voice...

2010-10-18T19:28:00.000-07:00

I am just a Voice of someone I used to know
Hushed silent...
although at times feeling like I'm screaming
at the top of my lungs in my own little sound proof box.
No matter how hard I try to beat the walls of my box down away from me
to free myself from my tourment they stand firmly in place
Like a solid rock unable to be moved.

No one can hear me.
I say the same things over and over but none in my world acknowledge them.
Who am I?
Just a whisper drifting through their lives in the wind.

Is it selfish to even want to be heard? My life is not my own...
The pain of the uncomfortable silence cuts deep
Wounds fester, bleed deep beneath the surface...
Yet, we throw a band-aid over them and say, "that's done."
My wounds are gapping open, my sores are fresh...
Yet the one who should be my nurse throws salt in my wounds...

Maybe I should surcume and give up the fight.
Maybe the life of a deaf, dumb, blind, mute should be the life for me.
Why do I bother!!!
Maybe this is the dumbest thing I've ever wrote, for sure the ugliest...
Maybe it just had to be done!
Maybe its late and I should just go to bed....

The Accumulation...

2010-10-03T06:42:00.001-07:00

Accumulation \Ac*cu`mu*la"tion\, n. [L. accumulatio; cf. F. accumulation.]

1. The act of accumulating, the state of being accumulated, or that which is accumulated; as, an accumulation of earth, of sand, of evils, of wealth, of honors. [1913 Webster]

2. (Law) The concurrence of several titles to the same proof. [1913 Webster]

Accumulation of energy or power, the storing of energy by means of weights lifted or masses put in motion; electricity stored.

The trials and tribulations that Adam and I have entered with in the last couple of months are what we call "The Accumulation". It has been a stage of being accumulated that's for sure. There has been a lot of energy and power and masses put into motion during this process. There has definitely been a lot of electricity stored.

The issues haven't been anything new. Either issues swept under the rug and ignored until they couldn't be anymore. The majority simply the inevitable catching us completely unprepared. Events in life hitting all at once, and nothing you can do to stop them or control them. For me, the control freak a breaking point. Circumstances out of my control do not mix well with the need to fix everything.

First went Adam's car, then the water heater, then my truck had to have 2 new tires because something sliced mine apart. It's life events at the worst time. The no money no savings time. The weight of these burdens pushes down on the adults in the household. The bickering begins. The saying things you can't take back, and after a while of this beating each other down routine you look at each other and say these dreaded words. "What are we doing here? Is there anything worth saving?" While 2 little boys look at you with eyes begging that you do.

Then comes the Bottom. Rock bottom that is. For some the fall is further than it is for others to reach but the destination is the same. The state of emotions, thoughts, anger, bitterness, and frustration that come with this place are unbelievable. You will never know until you have been there. What you learn in life here is significant, and I hope and pray what we take away is even greater. It's not like Adam and I were Millionaires who lost everything, we have never lived far off the bottom to tell you the truth.

When we were first married we lived off Adam's $6.00 an hour job, while I attempted Nursing School and worked when I could on weekends which wasn't often. This started the accumulation long ago. I failed, and we went on Adam changed careers and so did I. We've brought 2 beautiful boys into the world, and have lived pay check to pay check with none left over the entire time. No room for the unexpected's in life, and sitting back watching and saying eventually this is going to get us. Eventually something is going to break and cost us big and we will be in a hole with no way out.

That day has come. The juggling act with the bills since disaster struck can be done no more. The hole has been dug, and now we must do what we need to do to get out of it. This is where it really gets hard. This is where the Marriage was really tested, and Satan was alive and well. I'm having to do thing I don't necessarily WANT to do. So is Adam. I dug my heels in and refused in the beginning, and even said "if that's my options you go your way and I'll go mine." but God got a hold of me. I was reminded that Jesus didn't want to carry the cross and die on it. He pleaded with his Father any other way Father than this? BUT when he knew it was the only way he did it, and he did it not for himself but for us.

So, we are moving this week to a house off of East Dewey. We live off of West Dewey now so I am calling it the Journey of how far the East truly is from the West, you know like the song. This will help in repairing our financial situation, and get our financial plan in place that we are unable to do here. Basically we are going to act our wage! Which isn't much. The prize is getting me through school in two years, and that will be our focus where we are going. So that once I am finished we may have a somewhat normal stable flow in life that we have never been able to have.

We hope to begin moving Tuesday, and covenant your prayers as this will be difficult. I am in the Middle of 4 Classes this semester, 2 are Internet and so it will be chaotic moving let alone trying to keep my classes from getting behind in the process. Pray for the adjustment as a family. Trent has lived here since he was a year old. He doesn't remember any where else. Jonah was brought home from the hospital here. Trent is not very excited about moving so far, but I know they will probably adjust easier than Adam and I. Pray for our Marriage if you are willing. We are so grateful for all who have rallied around us during this difficult time. After this weekend we have the Hope for the first time in a while that our Marriage is not going to be the payment for our mess ups. We have to pull through this together. Yet any married couple knows this is easier said then done at times.

I want to leave you with this, a little something I learned this weekend for if your Marriage is struggling or you are having Financial difficulties as well:
"Bad is Bad but it can be the beginning of something Great!"

Until Next Time,
Julie

A Village to Raise A Child...

2010-08-28T05:07:00.000-07:00

Surely we've all heard that saying, " It takes a Village to Raise a Child.." I can recall times in my young parenting life when I thought that made no sense. Everyone in the Village should be able to handle there own children not depend on everyone else for help. Now, remember I said my young parenting years when Trenten was a baby who just laid there and did nothing but eat, sleep, and poop.

With the first week of school coming to an end I could Blog countless stories about my week at school, about Trenten's first week as a big Pre-Ker, and Jonah's first Time out at Daycare. Yet, it's the family Birthday party Friday night out at my parents farm that fills my heart with so many emotions I have to Blog about it.

To start off we just thought we were Village material when we use to all get together with the 5 little ones. My brothers and I have 5 children between us. Kaleb 4, Trenten 4, Jonah 2, Autumn 2, Emma 2. As you can tell we like doing things together spread out would be boring! Between us, our spouse's, our little one's, and our grandparents that come to the family birthday parties it was already quite the house full. Add in the 7 joyful children my parents are now caring for(who's names will be used as initials in this Blog) and there is no doubt or denying the Village scenario!

We had 3 births to celebrate last night my nephew Kaleb's, "S" one of the 7, and my Grandmother who is now called Grandma Jo by the 7 we've all taken a liking to her new name and are using it some ourselves. I have to say that every time I'm around these kiddos I learn something new, my heart is touched in another way that I didn't know possible, and its all so hard to express in words for me.

My parents had balloons everywhere, 3 cakes (one for each person) all different flavors, and food for everyone. Each and every one of the 7 were so excited you would have thought it was their birthday. For my Nephew Kaleb who is only 4 this was a normal routine for him. Yet, for the others it was like watching a kid for the first time on Christmas. They were all anxious to see what everyone was opening, and getting so excited over every gift as if it was their own.

After all the food, presents, and cake all the kiddos went outside to play together. I sat on the deck and watched from a distance as a little girl who just got a bike for her Birthday was so excited she pushed it around parts of the yard where the grass was too thick for her to ride it over and over and over again. I watch the oldest boy "C" settle disputes over who's turn it was to swing and even line the little one's up to wait their turn as he pushed each of the kids on the tree swing.

I watched as my Nephew Kaleb learned from "Z" how to jump off the swing set while swinging mid air and land. A little scary at 4, but he was so proud when he accomplished it like the older boys. I helped "Se" who had an injury on his foot that needed doctoring. Apparently a scrap on his foot from a couple days ago that got infected. It had been hurting him for a while, but he didn't tell anyone. A common character trait for this child. He never complains about a thing!

I watched my dad's soft side as he let little "C" attempt to dress him up with a flowery lay and play itsy bitsy spider on his face. All of us kids got a good laugh when we got to watch my dad discipline two of the 7, which consisted of sending them to their bed for a time out. My brother joked with little "R" that he almost came to get in the bed with him because he thought my dad was talking to him he use to get sent to bed so much. Which made little "R" laugh and feel better.

In a whole I guess what I'm trying to say is so many people see what is being done for these 7 kids, but I just wanted people to see a glimpse of what the 7 kids are giving to us. They have reminded me every time I am around them what a gift love and family can be. They remind me what a blessing our children are to us and how we shouldn't take that for granted. I have the joy of watching my family work together like I've never witnessed before. Like a Village Raising a Child I guess you could say.

Everyone jumps in and is desperate to find a way to help take some of the load of my parents. Weather it's being a waitress like my Sister-in-law Jessica and taking hot dog orders to keep the kiddos from raiding the kitchen, all of us working together to refill drinks, keep kids from getting injured, or running off to far in to their wide open spaces the farm provides. It's family time like we've never experienced before, very different but good for all of us. I am Thanking God for this opportunity, not just for me personally but for our entire family as a whole.

Until Next Time,
Julie

Love & Family....

2010-08-12T19:46:00.000-07:00

I already know that I am so blessed to be able to put those two words together. "Love & Family" that is. There are so many people and children a like who today can not describe their childhood or family lives in general as loving. God is taking our family on a journey teaching us more about Love and Family than I honestly ever believed personally possible.

If anyone would have told me 5-10 years ago that my parents would be Foster Parents. I would have laughed and said, "Sure thing". If they would have told me that they would be the Foster Parents of 7 children, I would have said "You must have the wrong folks." Not because my parents aren't capable or loving enough. Just because I never saw my parents doing this sort of thing. They rejoiced when I moved out of their home ten years ago, and they didn't go around saying "Oh' how about getting some more kids.." anytime after that I assure you. My brother Matthew was fairly easy to raise if a child could be labeled that. Mark and I not so much. So, my parents had already paid their dues.

I have watched my parents over the last several weeks become parents again to 7 youngens. Each child is precious and definitely has a personality all there own. My parents didn't do this for money, fame, or fortune. They did it to follow what they felt God calling them to do. I know it has to be of God because where else would they get the patience, strength, perseverance, wisdom, and love for these 7 children.

I have heard many people question weather you can love a child that is not your own? I have even had people ask me in our ventures to Foster on our own how you can let strangers into your home, and treat them the same as your own children. After this experience with my parents I ask how can you not? You can't help but love them, you can't help but want to help them. You can't help but want to get to know them more and more. They're quite hilarious actually. This experience has been eye opening for not just the adults in our family but the children in the family too. Trenten and Jonah play with the kiddos and have already built relationships with them. They look forward to family time together like they do with any of their cousins. I'm grateful that at a young age my children are seeing a witness as how to love and care for others beside yourself.

I am also so grateful for a church who is so loving and supportive. My brothers and I had our concerns in the beginning about our parents taking on 7 kids. Our concerns were that they would just get worn out quicker than they realized. Kids in your 20's and 30's is a lot different than kids in your 50's no offense intended. Our church has stepped up and loved on them in unbelievable ways. Casserole upon Casserole has been sent to help keep my mother from cooking all the time. Clothes, beds, bedding, etc. has been donated to help out. It makes such a huge difference to have such a wonderful support group behind you in situations like this. So Thank You to all who have helped or prayed for them.

I am grateful to my parents for stepping up and following their heart on this when a lot of people might have thought they were crazy. We are all learning from this situation, and I am so grateful for the reminder of how LOVE bears all things and Believes all things, & the greatest thing we can do is LOVE!

Until Next Time,
Julie

The Journey...

2010-08-01T13:03:00.000-07:00

My last post was in May. Not from lack of time, although it has been a busy Summer. More so, because I have so much in my mind and heart good and bad that I didn't know how much I should let out. So following my own advice from my last post, I found it best to not say anything at the time. It has been an eventful nearly three months to say the least. I'm not sure really where to even start talking about this Journey I have been on both inward and outward.
It has been a Summer filled with emotion. Some I still have not been able to work all the way through which is okay. God is with me and I am so grateful for that. I have really been hung up for some time now on "THE CALL" in my life. Some of you may have read an early post by me where I discussed the long time desire to stay home with my two little boys and where my "Call" fits into all of that.
I wish that I was writing you today saying ladies I have found all the answers, but I haven't. If anything I feel today that "my calling" is not one specific thing, but an area that is wide and has many needs and ways to serve. Now, I have to sort through this with God and figure out where and how I belong. I know the Journey on this is long from over.
In June, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought God was lining everything up and in order. I could see where and how things were going. I have always had the strong desire to stay home with my children, yet the reality of that has always been unrealistic due to the need for health insurance for our family, and many other factors that I could list on and on. I learned today in a sermon based out of Luke 9 that I'm a lot like the people who say Jesus I want to follow you, BUT first let me tend to this or that. Jesus says, no if you want to follow me take up your cross daily and come on right now. Not do all these other things first.
I bet you think you know where I'm going with this but I bet your wrong. I have listened to sermon after sermon over the summer about following "the call" and how its supposed to be clear to you what that is, doors are supposed to open to make it possible. Then this pastor today says, when you hold the plow and look back and around at everything else that's going on trying to control things in your life you are of no use to God. I'm like you just hit me on the head, thank you so much!
I have the strong desire to be with MY kids, to stay home with MY kids, but over the summer I have been reminded of 2 important lessons. They are not MY kids, they were God's first and he blessed me with them for the time being and its borrowed time. Secondly, there are so many other kids needing a Godly witness, to hear about Jesus, and just be loved by me and what better example to set for my children than its not all about me or them, but about others.
A lot has happened over the Summer so far to open my eyes to this. See, a year and a half ago I was working for my dad making decent money and able to take my kids to work with me. It was great, BUT I felt God dealing with my heart that I had forsaken the Call on my life to work with children. I began to pray for forgiveness first, then for the opportunity for where God wanted me with this. The next Sunday at church they announced they needed help in the Children's Department because one of their workers was due to have a baby any time. I continued to pray, saying God I was thinking more like youth age... but he wouldn't let it go. So, I went to the Children's Minister Allison secretly hoping the spot would have already been filled by another volunteer. Try not to laugh to hard! I've been there ever since, but I have loved every minute of it. Even getting pies thrown in my face!
A few months in to working in the Wednesday night Children's program at church God kept dealing with me that I wasn't where he wanted me. I kept praying for him to reveal to me where it was he wanted me, and God spoke to me in a dream. Don't get freaked out or anything he does it all the time! The dream was Kacey Holt coming up to me during our Wednesday night routine and telling me they were hiring for a position at the school in Malakoff. The next day was Wednesday. So, that night I waited all through our program for Kasey to come up and say something to me and she didn't. So, I called her aside and told her about my dream and asked her if she knew of anything along those lines. Kasey said no, but she would keep it in mind. The next morning she called and said while she was making copies she saw a job posting for a job at the Middle School in the office.
So, I applied, needless to say I didn't get that job.. but I was in the top 3 they told me. I was disappointed, but somehow(Beverly) my application was sent to the Tool Campus when a job came open over there. Long story short they hired me for a very difficult but rewarding job of working one on one with violent students for the past year. Needless to say I learned a lot! I really felt like God used me through out the year also.
Then comes Summer, it had been a crazy school year and all I wanted was my boys. I have thoroughly enjoyed my one on one time with them. Through all my prayers for God to open doors for me to stay home next year, none have been opened. In June I found out that I was pregnant with our third child. I took that as God sealing the deal on me needing to stay home for several reasons. I didn't know how everything was going to pan out exactly but I've had complicated pregnancies in the past and Adam and I both felt it was a bad idea to return to work being as how I had done bed rest in the past and so on. If I hadn't worked for my dad during my pregnancies I probably wouldn't have had a job. Then, the daycare expenses, diaper expenses, it would just be cheaper to stay home at this point! Then on June 29th I had a miscarriage. God has been good, he has given us peace, support, and love beyond measure. Through this Journey I wondered what God was wanting from me, and when I would know. God has already used this experience in my life to help another woman going through the same, the other answers you search for in a situation like this you may never know.
In the middle of all of this my parents became Foster Parents to 7 of the most precious children I have ever known. It has long been a desire of my heart to Foster Parent myself and Adam and I were actually going through the process before finding out about the pregnancy. Then, we weren't sure due to lack of space in our home weather we should continue the process because we weren't sure they would give us any Foster Children now. Now, we are in the process of becoming the Respite Care for my parents and excited about how God is going to use us and what he is going to teach not only us but our entire family through the experience.
Then I took the kids from church to camp for a week in July. A lot came out of that week but the biggest for me was the reminder through those kids how I might be right where I need to be. It might be my selfish desires for what I want to do to do anything differently, but really God needs me to stay right where I am. A year ago this girl was jumping for joy that she landed a job where she might get beat up everyday because it was the opportunity to work with kids and where she felt God wanted her. Maybe I need to find that girl again.
That is where I am at today, and my thoughts today. It's a Journey though, and I am anxious to see what God is doing, but it is on his timing not mine. My prayer is to not be holding the plow paying attention to everything else but what God is doing with me. I want to grab on and ride like the wind bulls eye straight ahead, focused and clear! It's a Journey though...

Until Next Time,
Julie

Mind Your Mouth...

2010-05-16T19:01:00.000-07:00

As part of my journey over seeking and following God's Call in my life, I have once again ran into some opposition. I'm glad to say this time in encountering my opposition, I have found encouragement and the Lord has sent me others to speak encouragement in my life. I have learned a valuable lesson this week, from experiencing well- meaning Christians throwing their opinions at me. With out thinking twice about what they were saying, or how discouraging it was to me following God's Will in my life. A lesson my Mother taught me from a young age, and maybe your mother the same. The lesson of minding our mouths!
It was announced this week at work that if I were to return next year what my position would be. Which is different than what I do now, but is still an aide position for $12,000 a year I assure you. It comes equipped with more hours away from my family, more responsibility, more stress, more after hours that you are not paid for, and so on. Needless to say, Adam and I are still following what we feel God is leading us to which is me not returning to work next year to stay home with our two little ones. When people have asked me, I have been honest to what we are leaning towards and let's just say the responses have been shocking.
A couple of women who do not have an existent walk with the Lord that I'm aware of told me, "I was Crazy, I have such a wonderful job and this is such a wonderful opportunity I'd be crazy not to take it." Another told me, "When we can't pay our bills because I'm not working don't call her because she told me that would happen." These kind of responses from non-Christians I could expect and let roll of me. I don't expect the loss to get someone making sacrifices for what the Lord is Calling them too.
Now comes the well meaning Christian responses. "You need this job for your resume when you do finish your degree and are able to start teaching, it will look bad if you quit now." Another quote, "Your children are resilient, they will adjust to whatever you decide to do. They seem far from emotionally disturbed to me, so what if Trent lays in bed crying for you at night because he's gone several days with out seeing you... that's just him playing your guilt factor, don't let him do that!" Another quote, "Just give up your involvement in the church, not your job. If your feeling to overwhelmed and your kids aren't getting enough of you, cut other areas of your life." Another quote, "There are many ways to Mother, your kids will just have to adjust to your limited time with them. You'll have to get more creative with the moments you have with them to Mother them." The Opinions could go on and on!
When I sat back to ponder all that had been said to me... in ONE DAY I could not find a biblical stance in one of them. In fact, I found more non-biblical than biblical. I felt so discouraged, I had been praying all week for God to continue to affirm our decision was the right one. Then, THIS MUCK! The Lesson that I learned is that we as Christians are guilty of speaking before thinking or praying of what God would want us to say. Everyone is entitled to an opinion yes, but should we always share it? That is when my Mother use to say, "Julie Anne.. Mind your mouth!" For those of you that hang out with me on the regular basis that lesson didn't stick so well. I am my Father's daughter and tend to speak my opinion often weather you ask for it, weather it's biblical or not. This week has taught me that I don't like being on the receiving end. That I would hate to be responsible for leading someone to do something differently because I spoke an unbiblical opinion! That's being the devil's helper. It has called me to seek Minding my Mouth the way the Bible tells us to do so.

Proverbs 10:19-21
When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value.
The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of judgment.

So, I will leave you to take this challenge with me! What are we doing and saying to encourage others around us, NOT contributing to the devil's workshop across the street!
Until Next Time,
Julie

For the Love of a Mother...

2010-05-10T17:55:00.000-07:00

I love when Jonah walks in and has his pajama pants on his head
Talking as if it were nothing out of the ordinary all the while
Running into the occasional wall.
I love when the most profound statements come out of Trenten's mouth
and we wonder where he came up with that, because for once he's not repeating his motor mouth mother! For example, "read your Bible momma' so you be nicer.. right now!"
I love watching imaginations take off into their own world. When my little boy calls himself "the Great Hunter Trenten" and hides in the tall bloomless flower stalks in the backyard that in his mind is a Safari in Africa where he and Jonah are the hunted.
I love in the middle of the night how a King size bed that held two, slowly turns into five... first Trent, about an hour later Jonah, and then the dog Oliver!I can't even move with out Adam helping get them off me! I love how the first thing Trent says when he wakes up is.. "I wuv you momma." and you know he means it with every beat of his little heart.
I love when Jonah gets into the same no no for the hundredth time, and time out didn't phase him a bit. When you go to spank he cries, "NO! I wuv u! Wuv u momma.." as he runs away holding his butt in one hand, and looking behind him to see how close you are on his trail all the while. How do you spank a kid after that?
I love opening up Mother's day gifts that my boys made themselves, and are so proud of. Thanks to my Creative and talented Supermom sister-in-law Jessica, who kept them for a day along with her own two energetic little ones and still managed to make hand painted tiles with their hand prints. The sweetest gift. The best part was her telling the story at Mother's Day about Trent listing the colors in my house by name.. "Pony tail, hot chocolate, etc." Yes, and he's only 4!
I love chasing both the boys through the house acting like a rabid T-Rex and listening to them scream with excitement. I love watching their personalities grow a little more every day into their unique little selves! Thank goodness they have a good sense of humor! They get that from their Mother of course, and need it to survive this crazy house hold.
I love hearing Trent pray little innocent prayers, and Jonah yell AMEN! You'd think being baptist was genetic around here. When Trent gets real excited over something, he's been known to preach a sermon or two!
I love every year when Mother's Day rolls around getting to reflect on the 2 greatest Blessings the Lord ever sent my way that no doctors thought possible. I love every day getting to pour into my little blessings and pray that one day they'll be ready to to sprout blessings of their own.
I read last night an interesting chapter in the book "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy DeMoss. When talking about raising our children and subjecting them to the world, she stated when there is 6-8 inches of snow on the ground no one dreams of taking a newly started plant and exposing it to the weather outside. We don't plant it out there in the Winter and say, "there you go little plant, best of luck in the cold harsh winter hope your still alive come spring!" That's what Green house's are for. To establish a plants roots, make them healthy and strong. Then, when the Season is right plant them outside to grow and thrive.
This made me Love my Mission as a mother all the more, it made me hungry for May 28th to arrive. I can not wait for all the opportunities God is going to lay before me soon with my little ones... I just Love being a Mother!

Following "the Call"....

2010-05-04T13:53:00.000-07:00

What has God called us to do? For each of us it may be different. For each of us it is something we have to hear from God ourselves on, no one else can discover our "Call" for us. I have struggled, and ultimately faught with God over this for years now. I know with all my heart what God has called me to do. I've known it for years now, but have refussed to let go of control of everything to allow him to make following my Call to the fullest possible. I have stood in God's way.
Now, have I known that I was standing in God's way the entire time? No, I've blamed others and my circumstances for keeping me from following my Call to the fullest. For that, I think of all the wasted years I've spent... that I could have been doing what I knew I should have.
So what is my "Call"? I know that God has called me to stay at home with our two precious little ones for some time now. I have literally never been at peace with me working while they are this little. I do not believe that all Mother's are "Called" to stay home with their children. I have so much respect for the Women who work full time, have a family, and so many other responsibilities. It is not an easy row to hoe! I also have respect for Mother's who heard and felt God's call for their family, and have made the sacrifice of two incomes to follow their hearts.
I might have shared this before, and if I have I'm sorry you're going to hear it again. I knew from the age of five that I was called to be a mother. I never doubted doctor after doctor who said, "children are probably just not possible for you" from the age of sixteen that I would still one day be a mother. I remember leaving a doctors office at seventeen with my Grandmother (because my parents still lived in California, I was already in Texas for College)where a specialist had done a sonogram and surveyed the damage of my female organs. The Specialist said, "You'll never have a baby of your own". My grandmother was nearly distrought. She asked me as we left Why I wasn't upset? I simply replied, "That doctor must not know the God I know.." Simple as that!
When I held my first son in my arms, it was the most amzing feeling! I'm sure all mother's have that first moment story, but it was if I could feel God's presence and him telling me this is your job now! Yet, because of lack of faith that financially we would make it I continued working. Working for my parents wasn't a bad gig for having a newborn. I got to bring him with me until he was almost a year. Then, he started getting into things and so I had to make other arrangments.
I was misserable being away from Trent, unsure of what he was doing through out the day. Feeling like it was my place to be with him, to teach him, to comfort him, to provide for all his needs... and yet I was in an office! Not to long after this decision impossible and unplanned baby number 2 arrived. Jonah was like God's way of hammering home to me that I wasn't doing what he had called me to do. Jonah also went to work with me for a short while, then other arrangments. This time I was only working 2-3 days a week though, and so I didn't feel as guilty. They were getting more of me, than they had in the past.
Then came the decision to work at Tool Elementary Full time. Along with College Full time, and other parts of life. My Children soon were getting less of me than anyone I knew. God began to beat away on me how out of wack my priorities had became, and who was ultimately paying the price for it. I began to seek God on what I should do? I knew the answer soon after with out a doubt, and strangely so did Adam. He came home the same day I did and said, "You need to quit your job, and stay home next year with the boys." This coming from someone who had never understood or agreed with why I would want to do this in the first place. It was monumental! We still didn't know how? How would God work all this out financially?
We continued to pray, and God continued to work. Adam and I thought we knew exactly how it was all going to work out... and then came the curve balls! A very wise person told me Sunday night, that a good sign you're doing what God wants is when Satan starts to attack. Well, Satan's been visiting here for about a month. Causing me to renig on our plans, and say, "its just not going to work out." I have an absolute fear that if I make the decision to stay home next year that my family might starve! Oh' ye of little faith is right!
I have not experienced peace in a month since I reniged and decided I would have to return to work. I still fear the what ifs? I still have moments where I lack the faith that this is what I need to do. After Sunday nights sermon, and God dealing with me... I'm still a little scared but I know that I have to step out and follow the Call! This is now my prayer:

Psalms 143
O Lord hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord.
My spirit fails
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
TEACH ME TO DO YOUR WILL,
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name sake, O Lord, perserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies:
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

Please pray with me that God will continue to move mountains to open doors for our family. I have watched him move all around me, and am ready for him to move through me.
Until Next Time,
Julie

Struggling Point...

2010-04-23T16:08:00.000-07:00

I don't know when it started, if I could recall the exact moment... but it has. Was it today when they came through work handing out packets showing our insurance costs are going to double for next year? Leaving me officially bringing home nothing, working for insurance, child care, and gas to work. Was it early in the week, when Adam was in the Hospital with Pneumonia and thinking straight on literally minutes of sleep instead of hours just wasn't possible. Was it tonight when I watched my husband with great disappointment send an E-Mail to notify the City of Carrollton that he would be unable to attend their testing tomorrow due to not being well enough to perform the physical adgility round of testing. I'm not really sure when it was, but all of my emotions have caught up to me and I am undoubtedly struggling.
All I can think to do is Pray, and write... writing seems to help me work through what I'm thinking and feeling more so than talking. I wish I had a way to see ahead into what God is doing here. I wish I knew why he was throwing us one curve ball after another? I really want to ask why all in one week! Yet, I laugh through my tears because in all this mess I know that I know that I know God is here, and he's in control. I wish I could PLAN, I would plan a party at this point just to feel like I could plan something in life again because God has flipped my planning basket upside down! As a woman, THIS SUCKS! As a christian IT SUCKS, but in a good/bad way because it is making me rely and grow with God in ways I never have before.
In this past week I have experienced strength through him I never knew I could possibly possess! I know I need to be praising him, but I just keep struggling with the what am I going to do? What are we going to do? How bad is it going to get? Kind of thoughts. This is some more of that real me you may not be able to handle, but it is where I'm at tonight. I pray for a better tomorrow!
Until Next Time,
Julie

Coca- Cola VS. Sprite in Life...

2010-04-15T18:17:00.000-07:00

One Summer, my father inflicted great suffering on all of his children when he came up with the idea to vacation with his boss, his bosses wife, and their one and only daughter. When I say one and only, believe me you knew it with in the first five minutes of meeting her. From the time I was five, my father had constantly made me "be friends" with this girl. I didn't usually have a problem being friends with anyone, but for some reason this brat and I had a hard time clicking.
It wasn't just me, my brothers couldn't stand her either. Everything she did aggravated the mess out of the two of them. Yet, my father strongly encouraged us that we would be nice anyway. So we set off across country in a motor home for two weeks with the biggest selfish bratty princess this country has encountered. If the majority of the group was going one way, she was going the other I assure you. Once her mom and dad realized she was going the other way, they would go the other way with her. If we voted to stop at Whataburger, she voted Burger King that California had plenty of. If we were assigned chores, princess wasn't. If we slept outside in a sleeping bag, princess had a bed indoors. Finally to reach my point, if we drank coke she had to have Sprite.
My mom refused to buy fifty different kind of sodas for everyone. All the adults drank diet coke, all of us kids other than princess drank coke. Princess refused to drink coke, and even cried at a meal because she didn't have anymore sprite to drink. Which was like the straw that broke the camels back for my brothers and I. Of course, her parents rallied around her. They suggested Princess explain to the group why she refused to drink colored sodas anymore. So princess explained that when you drink darker colored sodas she read in a study that it dyes your intestines dark over time. Yet, if you drink sodas with no color your intestines stay a nice healthy pinkish white color which was important to her health wise.
We listened carefully as she explained her concerns over a dark colored soda, and in classic Julie Crye fashion I replied, "Are you planning on seeing your intestines any time soon? Cause' I'm not, in fact I'm pretty sure I'll make my whole life with out examining my own intestines!" Needless to say the rest of the vacation was even funner than it had been up to that point, and yes Princess got her Sprite!
Don't ask me why, but the other day this crossed my mind. How much my life resembles my attitude of drinking Coca- Cola. Yes, I still do, when I do chose to have some caffeine. If anyone ever saw my intestines one day, I'm sure it would be the most dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, vile sight anyone had ever experienced. Yet, the chances of anyone beyond a doctor with expertise in the intestinal area seeing my intestines is slim to none, so I rarely ever think, worry, or take measures to insure my intestines will be pretty when and if they do.
I thought of how much sin, and just stuff I have in my life, mind, and heart right now that is dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, and vile if I ever let it out for anyone to see. If I opened my mouth enough to say more than I actually do (I know isn't that scary, can u imagine me even more tell it like it is!). I think if people really knew me, my thoughts, my fears, and all my really deep imperfections they would probably walk away and not talk to me anymore, probably even remove me as a friend from their face book page. Maybe a fake smile here or there in passing, but that's as good as it would get.
The truth is sometimes I scare myself, I'm like, "did I just think that?" or "did I just say that?" Yep, it's stinkier than poop sometimes. I know that my true cleansing doesn't come from some Go-lightly, or by drinking Sprite to keep my intestines "pretty". It comes through my hungry and thirsty times with God. When I cling to him, and try and wait patiently to hear from him on which direction to go. God is CONSTANTLY at work in cleansing me, refocusing my extreme multitasking spirit to what is important to him. Sometimes I throw tantrums like a only child Princess I once knew myself, but with God. I even questioned him this week on if he remembered me and my dreams?
Yeah... remember that say what you think mentality I was talking about earlier. I do it with God too, which is not so smart most of the time. He answered quickly though. It's funny how God works, and how stupid we his sheep can be. He answered me, and I'm still sitting here saying was that you answering me Lord, or is this just a big coincidence! I know in my heart what he's saying, I'm just scared of it, and scared to believe that's what he wants from me. There is some of that nasty stuff coming out, that people don't know what to do with.
This is me, I guarantee you over the next couple of months you will see some of this journey God is taking me on. You may not want to, what I say might upset you, you might not agree with... but it's what I'm thinking as God deals with my heart and changes my life. Sometimes to get to a finished product, you have to wade through some crap!
Until next time,
Julie

The Never Ending Delima of Motherhood...

2010-02-07T11:29:00.000-08:00

As Mother's there are always things we face with our Children that are Never Ending it seems. Around our house its laundry, dishes, cleaning the toy room, and cooking meals. Trenten often asks, "Didn't we just do dat momma'?" Yes we did, and as we Mother's have all come to learn... we'll do it again, and again, and again. The responsibilities that come with Motherhood are endless, you don't get to do them once and be done. It's a day after day task, and is not meant for weak.
I have had the joy of reading a book, "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I'm still not completely finished, but boy has this book stirred the pot around our house! I'm surprised Adam has not taken it and hidden it from me, but I will not regret the realizations this book has made me come to. Yet, its dealing with those realizations that makes it hard.
My greatest ambition from the time I was 5 years old, was to me a mother. I'm talking the all out minivan soccer mom profile! My mother was a stay at home mom through the majority of my raising. Both my parents strived for me to go to College, get married only if I must.. they did not want me to follow in my mother's footsteps of Graduating High School, getting married, and start shooting out one baby after another. Yet, in the end the way I did it wasn't much different.
The greatest dilemma that I face as a mother, is the strong desire and calling within my heart that I have felt before Trenten ever arrived in this world to stay home with my children, to make my home my primary responsibility, and to teach my children myself. I constantly feel guilty because I would literally need a 48 hour day to complete everything I have to do right now. At the end of the day I feel like my boss's at work are happy for a job well done, my professor's are happy, I'm able to make all A's in a full load of college classes, the church is happy because there's someone to ride the bus, help in the kids department, and sing every once in a while. Yet the people who suffer the lack of my time, and would probably give me a bad grade if we were on a grading system would be my Husband and mostly my precious 2 little boys.
The guilt of that is hard to swallow. When your children scream and cry every morning because you leave them behind to go to a job, and teach other children who can't even behave in a classroom by themselves... you start to wonder what am I doing? Why am I putting them through this? Let's see, I bring home around $10,000 a year, to bounce my children to a different family members house every day in the wee hours of the morning because I can't even afford daycare... does this make sense to anyone else?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the people I work with. The reasoning behind taking the job to begin with was that it is in the teaching field, and that's what I'm going to school for. It's just when you feel like your children are the ones sacrificing everything because there are not enough hours in a day, where will there ever be peace in that? When and where does that Dilemma end? When they're grown and gone and I'm left hoping the one day a week that I was able to spend any time with them was enough?
The way my schedule is now M-F I'm gone by 6:15am. On Monday's and Wed. I have night classes at TVCC in Athens. On Wed. I have tutoring before class at 4pm all the way until class starts. I get home from that class around 10pm, and I have not seen my children at all. Monday are not much better, I come home from work, cook dinner, and then leave for my class. They are usually in bed by the time I get home that night also. Tuesday's I have assignments due in my Internet class, which usually take a couple hours to complete and turn in. So even though I'm here, they do not get any of my attention really. Thursday's thru Saturday's Adam works. So I get off work, go pick the kids up, come home cook dinner, bath time, and I usually have homework to work on also. So my children maybe get thirty minutes of me before they go to bed.
I am certain that there are other mother's who feel my pain. Who struggle with the same. I am just consumed with guilt right now that my children are paying a heavy price for my decisions. Please do not feel if you are a full time working mother, that I am knocking you right now for being just that. I am just saying, that I can't find the balance in it anymore. I don't want to wake up one day when my kids are teenagers or out of the house, and have nothing but regret because I didn't make an impact on their lives everyone else around them did!
The icing on the cake for what I need to do came this week when I took both boys for the yearly check ups and vaccinations. The Pediatrician went over several things with Trenten and said, "You know his fine motor skills are really lacking. If your not going to work with him on these areas, than maybe you need to put him in daycare.. because they will." Not what I needed that day!
I made the decision this week to no longer argue with Adam over what to do. I have decided to just take it to God in Prayer. As of right now, we have 2 plans I am praying for A! Adam knows that I am blogging about this, and he asked if who ever reads this would give some feedback. So Please, tell us what you think.

Plan A
Adam is going to apply for different jobs and try to have a higher paying one by August. If so, I will be able to stay at home with the boys, and continue working on finishing my degree which will still take 2 more years at A&M Navarro.

Plan B
Adam doesn't get a different job, or any other supplemental income and I return to my job in August. Trenten will start Pre-K at school where I work, and Jonah will have to go to daycare.

A Gift From God...

2010-01-17T18:28:00.000-08:00

Julie and Tammy Last Spring on one of her visits to Malakoff

This weekend I spent some time in Houston with my Best Friend Tammy and her sweet family. Sadly in all the hustle and bustle of the weekend no pictures were taken, so this old photo above will have to do for now. During our visit together, I was reminded how precious the gift of a true friend is. It is such a gift from God to be allowed a friendship like Tammy and I have. As each day passes, I am forever becoming more and more grateful to the God in which we Love and Serve for allowing me Tammy.
It was the Summer of 2000, I was working at J.C. Penney's at the Deerbrook mall and taking classes at the local Community College in Kingwood. What I was really doing was enjoying my freedoms for the first time in my life from the firm grasp of Jim Crye, and literally having the time of my life. I wasn't wild per say, but I was having fun and on the road that could have led there. Summer had began, and with that came the pool of young new hires at J.C. Penney's. Tammy Hatley was one of them.
The first day I saw her, she was completing her training on computer modules and I passed her coming out of the break room. She had the hugest smile on her face, that made you have to smile back. She even said Hi as we passed, even though she didn't know me.. instead of it being weird though it brightened my day. It left me thinking, I wish I was more like that girl! That was just in passing.
A few days later, we were assigned to the Purse Department together. Needless to say, Purse sells were up that week! Tammy and I were like a dynamic duo. We made customers laugh, and buy more stuff. It was good times. Then, we started hanging out on our time off together, and were basically joined at the hip through out that summer. Tammy was the good influence on me. When I'd tell her things I was doing that I knew better than to be doing, she was the friend that had no problem telling me you shouldn't be doing that. She was the Friend that encouraged me when I made good decisions, instead of rebellious ones.. yet, stood by me even when I failed miserably! She was the friend who prayed for me, and her family was "that family" who ministered to me through example not preaching. They were as Welcoming to me, as Tammy was at a time in my life that I really needed that.
Summer ended, and Tammy went to a Bible College in Canada. I remember standing at the airport with her then boyfriend Jacob and her parents and putting her on a plane. Her mom said, "To think the two of you met at J.C. Penney's!". My heart sank that day, I had lost my running buddy and the one friend I had that was any good for me. She loved me as Jesus would have, and stood by me through all my stupid decisions. When most other Christians would have disconnected themselves.
After that life began to move pretty fast for us. I moved from Houston, to the Athens area to live with in the grasps of Jim Crye again. He had caught on that I was having the best time of my life with out him and decided to nip that in the bud! Tammy came home from Bible College and after breaking up with Jacob, swearing to never have anything to do with him again, and on one of my visits to Houston to see my Grandparents announced that she was marrying him. I remember my response being, "but I thought we didn't like Bob (what I call him) anymore." My heart sank some more, because now I was really really loosing my running buddy, but I always thought her and Jacob were meant to be so it could have been worst! I was counting my blessings that I was the one friend of Tammy's that he could stand.
Tammy and Jacob got married at 19, moved off to Kansas. In the mean time, I was busy falling in love with Adam. Adam and I get married on short notice, I remember Tammy calling to say she worked out getting to come to our Wedding, and I said, "Never mind we already did that!" That was a good laugh. We lost touch for about a year after that, do to moves and number changes. I was trying to get a hold of her parents, and she called my Grandparents to get my new number. We talk on the phone and catch up, come to find out her and Jacob had moved to Arlington. So, we decide to meet up. Sitting in Jason's Deli, we find out not only am I pregnant, but she's pregnant and it's twins!
So began our journey together as wives, and now mother's. Another huge blessing from God, was a friend to call and say is your baby doing this? The reassurance for a first time mom that some things are perfectly normal is priceless! Trenten, Haleigh, and Hannah were born exactly a week apart from each other. The journey of what woman struggle with within, has been much easier and sweeter going it together with Tammy.
The greatest battle to walk through together has been her struggle with cancer. During her unplanned and unexpected pregnancy with their son Drew who is a month older than Jonah, Dr.'s discovered a mass on Tammy's Pancreas, Liver, and Spleen that had to be removed with in a couple of weeks of delivering Drew. Talk about rocking your world. Having twin 19 month olds, a new born, and cancer. Yet, she handled it with such strength and Grace that could only come from God alone.
After nearly two years of waiting on weather treatment would be necessary or not, waiting for cancer cells to grow inside her body... a cystic mass shows up on an ovary. Now it's back to the drawing board, removing the cystic mass to see what it is... and yet the pillar of strength still stands. After watching a mother of three this weekend, hurting in pain but not willing to show it until the kids are asleep in the bed.. a mother who cries for her children not herself, that her children cry when she goes to Dr.'s offices or Hospitals because they worry the Dr.'s won't give their mommy back for a while. No three year old should fear that, or even have knowledge of hospitals and Dr.'s to the extent they do.
My Prayer, is for Healing for Tammy, Strength for her, Jacob, and all of her family to with stand the trial. For her children to have comfort and peace that only God can bring. Every time I start to doubt in my mind that God is bigger than all of this, I think of how precious a Gift Tammy is to everyone she comes in contact with... I just refuse to believe that God is done with her yet.
I can not Thank her enough for being the friend to me that she has been. I often describe our friendship as the female version of David and Johnathan in the Bible. One in Spirit since the day we met. I am so grateful for a friendship that blossomed out of J.C. Penney's ten years ago. The amount of trials that we have walked through together in our families, marriages, child raising, and life have been much easier together than they would have been apart. I am Thankful for the years of loud laughter, and good times that have accumulated.
I hope that each of you have a friend like Tammy that God has blessed you with to walk through Life together. I challenge you to take a moment to reflect on how Thankful you are for that person's place in your life tonight. We all take so much for granted each day, and God layed it on my heart not to let another day pass with out praising him for the gift of a True Friend.
Thank You Tammy for being the Awesome friend you are. The friend that can see my house a mess, take me to the ER with my eye infected, and letting me tell you anything knowing it goes no further than you and I. For always being encouraging, loving, honest, and straight to the point all in one beautiful package. Thank you for marrying a man who will put up with us, and allow us to be together... I know it's not an easy pill to swallow! Thank you for letting God shine through you always, and challenging me with out even knowing it to be more like that. Having everything on your plate, and others seeing Jesus in you is amazing. You are the Johnathan who gives his robe right off his back, and goes the extra mile with his sword, and belt. You make those around you feel like David, Shepard boys in the presence of royalty! You are an amazing woman, and you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Remember that in the weeks to come!
Until Next Time,
Julie

Can't help but Worship....

2009-10-03T16:54:00.000-07:00

YouTube - Kristene Mueller, Redemption (Jesus Culture)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_NJy8H7t4Q

My friend Rebecca paid us a visit last Saturday. She accidentally left one of her new favorite CD's in my truck. Her sister-in-law who lives in California sent her this CD. It was by a women named Kristene Mueller, she is a Music Minister at a church in San Franscico. Her church has started a 24 hour a day, praying for the City of San Francsico, and for the Nation. So, she has wrote some music, and I have fell in love while worshiping the Lord to her songs. Most of her song verses are straight from the scripture. This CD has made such a difference in my week. I have cried, sung loud, and even took it into "In School Suspension" this week for my sanity. A teacher came in, and the CD was playing. He said, "You can't play music in ISS!" I replied, "It's for me, not for him... and we can if you want me in here!" I couldn't find my favorite songs on You Tube, but here is a taste of what I could find. I hope it is a blessing to you, as it has been to me. Prepare your hearts for Worship tomorrow!
Until Next Time,
Julie

On a Lighter note...

2009-09-25T14:47:00.000-07:00

Okay... this Blog may seem kind of all over the place, but that is just how my life is right now. My last Blog was kind of depressing and sad, so I feel the need to share something just to "lighten" my page a bit. This has been a CRAZY week no doubt, one of many, many, many, to come I am sure!I am just so grateful, that with this CRAZY life comes a Great Big God who is in control.

Where do I even start.... For those of you who don't know I recently took a job working as a one on one aide with some challenging students. I left the comforts of a well paying, part time office job working for my parents... to following God in the career I know he is calling me to, which is teaching. This is definitely a foot in the door to that career, but will be a long road getting through the school year.

Some Days... you'd think Adam and I had switched professions!

This job has it's definite challenges, but is very rewarding at the same time. This week at work has been filled with an emotional roller coaster. The adrenaline rushes, stress headaches, and physical and emotional exhaustion have been at a high this week. Yet, I LOVE my job. I have never felt in my lifetime the peace of being in God's Will like I have since coming to work here.

The Blessings just keep pouring out, and my cup runneth over! The majority of the people I work with are Christians, and that makes such a difference in every day life. They are so encouraging to "We" the one on one aides who never know what our day will consist of. I still am given the opportunity from time to time to teach some lessons to the class, and it makes me look forward to the future when I am finished with school and can do that everyday.

I am so grateful to God for loving and supportive family he has blessed me with. Life around the Estes household has been really stressful with the new job, starting back to College, and Adam's wonderful month on the weekend shift. My husband has been so helpful around here. The last 2 weeks I have came home to a clean house on his days off, despite him having dental work done every week. He had a tooth pulled, that resulted in a dry sock it, and lots of pain... but yet he cleaned the house! He called his mom for some help one day, but that's fine by me... I have a clean house. So Kudos to my husband and Mother-in-law for saving my sanity.

I miss my husband who has been working weekend's all month, so naturally we rarely see each other. Which makes for a marriage full of communication, and happy memories let me tell you. I will never be so Happy to see this weekend come and go, so I can have my Husband back. Sorry Chandler P.D. I love him more! My kids will be much happier to have us both back also, I feel like they have been so neglected these past couple of weeks.I am definitely ready for some family time! Like this trip to the Freshwater Fisheries in Athens (above).

College, and the 3 classes I'm taking have been crazy! I think I'm going to start calling my Government teacher "Hitler" because of all his reading and assignments he assigns. I have my first test in Government Monday, so please pray for me... I didn't grow up being brain washed on Texas and the way they do things... so it's all new for me. The hard part about this class, is learning the way the House and Senate do things in Washington, along with the way the house and senate do things in Texas.
For example, here our 2 actual key terms from my chapters over Texas Government:
Pigeonholed- Term for effectively killing a bill brought to the committee table.
Little Legislatures- Instead of calling a committee by the proper term "Standing Committee" here in Texas they call them Little legislatures.
Not that any of you care to know these, but do you see my frustration with the Texas Government right now! Pray for me as I take my First test Monday night, and pray for my children as I will be neglecting them once again this weekend to study!
Hope I have not bored you all to much, but at least now the Estes Daily Review has been updated. Maybe this post will cut me some Blogger Slack since now you know why I'm too busy to update!
Until Next Time,
Julie

You know you Live in the Ghetto When...

2009-09-05T13:57:00.000-07:00

Adam and I have dealt with the fact over the last year that what was once a nice, peaceful neighborhood has slowly but surely turned in to a Ghetto. We still find ourselves greatful to God for the roof he has provided for us over our heads, and the sadest part is that we really love our little cozy house, just not where it is located. It is days like today in the Ghetto when we struggle to keep to our agreement to wait it out here until I'm through with my schooling.
Today Adam had to work, so he left at 5am to head to Chandler. Both the boys were up by 6am, Trenten was complaining his stomach hurt, and Jonah had a runny diaper. What a great start to the day. I was contemplating taking the kids to Houston to visit Tammy, but not now. Not with them potentially having the stomach bug that's been going around.
So, as the morning went on they seemed to be doing okay, just a little cranky. By 11am they could go no more. Jonah was in melt down phase, and Trenten was asking to go to bed. So I made a quick lunch, and after they ate I took them to their room at the front of the house to take a nap. As I was laying them down, I heard a horn just being laid on out in the front of the house. This is not uncommon with the drug house that is to the left of us. I kept telling myself, just let it go, just ignore it. The horn would not stop, and Jonah and Trenten were just a cryin'.
Finally after a few minutes the continuous honking quit. Then came the cussing extravaganza. Every cuss word you could possibly imagine being yelled in the street clear as day in my children's bedroom. I turned the CD player on with Barlowgirl playing, and you could still hear the cussing loud and clear over the music. Trenten looked up at me and says, "Momma, those not nice words!" Then, I had had enough. Protective momma reared her ugly head.
I went out the front door to find the meth dealing neighbor who lives to the left of us cussing out my neighbor across the street who had just been sitting out on her porch like she always does on Saturdays. I yelled "Hey! That's enough...I don't care who started it, I've got to kids in here trying to take a nap who don't feel good who can hear every word you're yelling. This is totally inappropriate! If you want to talk like that, go in you're house and talk like that... none of us want to hear it." Well needless to say, the meth dealing neighbor then proceeded to calling me every name in the book of Cussing. All the neighbors who were witnessing her sherade especially loved it when she called me a "Cop F#*!#*% Wh#*%". My response was, "Well I guess you're somewhat right on that one, I am married to one." It frustrated the mess out of her that I would not Cuss her back. She continued to threaten all the neighbors who were out in their yards, she was going to "Whop all our a#*!*".
My favorite was watching her run in her house when the Malakoff Police Officer pulled in. After he took my statement, and all the other neighbors he was able to site her with three charges. I wish that would be enough to make her quit disturbing the peace, but probably not. Just another day in the Ghetto around here.
Until Next Time,
Julie

Taking time to Stop & Smell the Roses....

2009-08-04T18:07:00.000-07:00

The pictures above were taken Easter Sunday, but they made for good imagery of the lesson I was reminded of today. Sometimes life gets so busy with every day occurrences that we forget to stop and enjoy the blessings God has given us. Today was an awesome day. This was my last Tuesday off with the kiddos, and we made the best of it. We enjoyed playing over at Jenna's house, and making mini pizza's together. I was the only mother there that didn't take pictures of the event, so let's just add that to the list of how I don't have it all together! Thanks again Jenna for the memories!
As many of you may know, Adam has worked the night shift for a good while now. He Started his first day shift in a while today. He will be on days the next couple of months at least... that is if no one else he works with decides to quit or die! I have learned to just enjoy it while it lasts. Tonight was the first night we have a had a "normal" evening in a long time. I prepared supper, my husband came home and we sat and ate together. It was nice to get to share about how our day went in person. No rush, just adult conversation. That was really nice.
Then we made our lunches for tomorrow, and cleaned the kitchen together. I forgot how nice it is to have help with everything in the evening time. What a blessing! To those of you out there who may be feeling the strains of life coming at you from every direction, don't forget to stop and take a moment to reflect on the blessings God has given you today. It seems to make all the worries float away, when you can just cherish the moment you are in. For as we all may have learned, time passes so quickly and we have no promise of tomorrow.
On that note I bid you good night!
Until next time,
Julie

Happy 6th Wedding Anniversary to Us...

2009-07-02T07:16:00.000-07:00

The pictures do a pretty good job explaining themselves, but just in case you are lost that is how Adam proposed to me. We were having a get together at his parents house for all of our family to meet each other. As my brother drove me up the country road leading to their home in Eustace, the signs seen above were placed along the way. At the end of the trail of signs was Adam standing there like that. He looked so scared! I'm sure all the family standing in the distance watching didn't make him nervous at all. Of course I said yes, but Adam didn't hear me the first time. Even though I hugged him, and kissed him, he still wasn't sure I wanted to Marry him. The poor guy just kept asking, "So, will you? " I was like, "Yes! Adam jes I'll Marry you!" I was so embarrassed by everyone being there, and staring, and crying... but I was glad he didn't do what he had originally mentioned which was having an airplane fly over with the big question on the banner behind it.
We laugh when we look back on these pictures now. For one, we were a little thinner I don't know if anyone noticed that? Look at how young, innocent, and happy we look. Maybe a little scared too. We laugh because we had NO IDEA what we were getting ourselves into! We had been friends for 2 years, but we had only dated 3 months before we were hitched! We thought we knew each other, but we only knew the person that we each wanted the other to know... not the REAL US. Can I get an AMEN!
July 4th, 2009 makes 6 years of marriage. That would be 3x as long as my parents expected us to be married, 5x as long as my brothers expected us to be married, and about 2x as long as Adam's parents expected us to be married. I have to admit, there were times the only reason I stayed was to prove them wrong... but I'm glad that I did stay.
When Adam & I were dating and first married our focus was on us. No one else. God's Will, and a personal relationship with God was the furthest thing from our minds. We had a plan, not a very good one, but a plan. We definitely had all our eggs in one basket. I was in Nursing School at the time we got married, Adam was working at ETMC Athens making a little over $6 an hour. I was going to finish Nursing School, and then he was going to go. When we were finished with school, we were going to be rolling in the dough, buy a house, buy this & that, start a family, and live happily ever after with all our stuff!
Then, after a year of barely making our bills or just throwing our expenses on credit cards I failed out of the RN program with a 74.7 because 75% is passing. We were both devastated. I was done, after a year of pure hell there was no way I was going back through that again. I told Adam it was his turn, I couldn't do it. He said no thanks, after seeing everything you had to do I don't want to be a Nurse anymore either. He decided to go back to his original plan of being a Police Officer.
The good thing that happened out of me failing out of Nursing School, and having a Marriage that was hanging on by a thread after one year, was that I started talking to God again. I had no idea where to start. I had messed up so much on my own, I didn't know where and when God would start working but he did! Adam and I had a lot of issues to work through, and they weren't fixed overnight. Adam at this point had decided our marriage was a mistake, just like everyone had warned us, and that he wasn't sure this was going to work anymore.
All I could do was pray that his heart would change. Shortly after Trenten was born, God got a hold of Adam the same way he had gotten a hold of me after failing out of Nursing School. We began our journey together really for the first time, because God was leading not us. Does that mean we've had no major problems since... okay, now that I'm done laughing I can answer definitely not! We still fight and bicker, we've had some major life changing obstacles to overcome, and no we are not always happy. I think Monday afternoon I told Adam if I could rip his big head off and throw it across the room I would! Yep, that's me such a peach to live with!
We learned in the Marriage conference at FBC Malakoff this motto, "If God and I aren't working, Adam & I aren't going to work!" I have to remind myself of that almost everyday. Adam and I were talking the other night about the past 6 years, and all we can do is give the Praise to God that he saved our Marriage, and carried us through some unimaginable situations, and that he continues to work on us daily. So, if you are unhappy in your marriage or struggling to stay married know that you are not alone! Turn to Jesus, and ask him for the strength, wisdom, and encouragement that you need to heal the wounds that we inflict on each other through life together. I want everyone to know that Adam & I do not have it all together, but if you ever want to talk to another married couple that has been there we are here!
To my Husband who has managed to tolerate me for the last 6 years... Thank you, and Bless You as my brothers tell you often. You are a special guy! Thank You for loving me, even when I make it hard for you too. Thank You for being a wonderful Husband who tries your hardest to make me happy, even though I make that an exhausting grueling task at times. Thank you for being the Greatest Dad in the World to our boys, and for backing me up on the way I do things with them even when no one else agrees. Thank you for asking me to marry you, and claiming you would do it all over again even though I've given you every reason to NOT want to do it all over again. Thank you for the years of uncontrollable laughter, and tolerating me peeing on myself because your so sticking funny at times. Yes, that happened 2x before we were ever married and he still asked me! Here is to a lifetime of being in this together, even though that seems impossible at times. I'm glad to say I no longer Doubt that the mighty God we serve will carry, lead, and guide us the rest of the way. Thank you for just being you, and ALWAYS being there for me. I Love you with all my heart!
Here is to beating the odds!
Until Next Time,
Julie

What A Cute Couple!!!

Here's to the Days before Stress, before kids, and before Sleepless Nights! Just Youth and Happiness! I love you Babe!

Snakes, Mice, & Adulthood!!!

2009-06-11T11:20:00.000-07:00

This is for all of you mother's out there who have ever thought... "is it just me that is struggling with this?" Yes, I have to admit my friends blogs inspired me to write, and let you know that you are not alone!
Here is to knowing your an adult... when there is a copperhead snake hanging from your front porch at midnight, and you have to walk out the back door in the dark to a dark shed and feel your way around for a hoe to kill the copperhead snake because you know you'd never forgive yourself if you just let him go until your husband comes home in the morning. What if Mr. Copperhead is gone by morning, and later in the day when your precious 2 little boys who's lives depend on you stumble upon him, get bit and die? So it's time to be an Adult! I don't want to do this, but I've got to I am on my own here! Where are my 2 older brothers? Where is my Dad? Why does my Husband have to work all the way over in Chandler! What does any city girl whose been thrown in the country do in this situation? I call to tell my husband I love him, and if you don't hear back from me in 10 minutes call the ambulance! My husband was very against my idea to Handle this on my own, but it had to be done! So I took by hoe, walked out the carport door around to the front porch to find Mr. Copperhead still there, dangling from one of our rod iron posts ready to kill his prey... ME! The adrenaline kicked in, and I swallowed down the huge lump in my throat, and decided some practice swings away from the snake would be a good idea since I had never done anything like this before... EVER!
I step back and take my practice swings with the hoe like a professional baseball player, and just as I step up to take my first real swing. Here comes Officer Foster with the Malakoff Police Department around the corner. My Husband called him to come save me. Needless to say, he killed Mr. Copperhead that night. After seeing the size of the snake uncoiled from our post, that was okay by me. 3 feet long, glad I took a pass on that one! This experience got me thinking though, how scary it is to be an adult now, with no older brothers to take care of everything for me, and a husband who works nights & is gone all the time... I've got to learn how to do this stuff right?
Apparently I did not learn my lesson well enough that night. So, God sends Adulthood challenge #2 my way last night during the crazy stormy weather. Once again, Adam is working and it's just me and the 2 kids. I get them to sleep, finish up all my chores, and it's around 10:30pm. I turn on the light to walk in my bedroom, and I catch something moving in the rocking chair out the corner of my eye. I tell myself it's just my mind playing tricks on me, but unfortunately it was for real! A little brown field mouse looking at me, sitting on the arm of the rocking chair. His facial expression was like, "Do you mind turning that light back off... " Please God tell me you are kidding, my order of hatred for intruders is Spiders, snakes/mice. Snakes & mice are tied, because snakes can be dangerous, but the thought of mice living where we live, trying to eat what we eat, or eating the best rocking chair ever! The rocking chair that I rocked both my babies in, and still do on nights like tonight! AHH! So, I grab a hanger, and go after him. Needless to say that didn't work, he got away, but I at least ran him off my favorite chair. That now can not be set in until it is shampooed to kill mice germs!
Now comes my biggest challenge. I must set a trap, the real kind that snap & break there necks! This I have never done before, or watched be done before, or even attempted before! So, what does this city girl do... call her husband to talk her through this. Keep in mind my emotions are running pretty high by this point. Stewart Little got away, my boys are asleep in there beds, and what if he bits them! Surely me chasing him with the hanger out of his comfy chair might have made him mad, what if he decides to retaliate on one of my babies, or me when I'm asleep in my bed! Something has to be done! Once again, I get to be the Adult here.
Much to my luck, Adam is busy cutting up a tree that's down in the road and would not take my phone call. Who is going to be driving down a road, in a storm, in Chandler TX at almost 11 O'clock at night? You can't stop for a minute and take your wife's emergency phone call? Anyways, that's all I and Adam's chief have to say about that. So, now what am I supposed to do? I can't figure this stupid thing out, it keeps snapping at me every time I try to make it work!
So, I do what I have been trained to do my entire 27 years of life. I call my big brother Mark. His wife Jessica answers the phone, and can tell I'm upset so she gets Mark. He calms me down, and talks me through setting the trap. I made it with out it snapping a finger, which is good for a first timer. My brother was so proud. He stayed on the phone with me until i put the trap on the floor in my room, and evacuated the premises. I did it! Like a big girl, all by myself... almost. I slept on the couch, and Trenten was a little taken by surprise when he woke around
3am due to the storm. He came running to my bed, and I wasn't there? He started crying which woke me, and I went & got him. We were lying on the couch, and he said, "Momma, why you on the couch?" So, I told him about our little visitor. He said, "That's okay momma... Daddy will get him when he gets home!" Yeah, I hope so!!!
Needless to say, I am learning the hard way over the last couple of weeks what being an Adult is a demanding job! I like you Flo found myself lying on the couch pondering the is this possible side of life? I have 2 kids that are growing to fast, and they depend on me? The thought can be overwhelming at times... if someone would have told me 10 years ago that I'd be married, with 2 kids, hunting snakes & mice I'd told them they were nuts! Yet, here I am. When I'm cuddled up on our little couch with Trenten at 3am... Adulthood is worth all the worries, woes, and strife for some moments like this.

Work Hard~ Play Harder...

2009-05-04T13:43:00.000-07:00

Here is April in pictures:

Happy Easter from the Estes Clan!Yes this is the best picture out of 100!Sad day!

Texas Freshwater Fisheries Center, Athens TX

See the Aligator coming out of the water...

He came towards Trenten like he was going to eat him!

Nope, this isn't Tri-City Steel.... we are still at the Fishery Center!

Our Favorite pose, this was a nice day!

Adam & Trenten fishing at the Fishery Center. I think we've started something here! Trenten is obsessed now!

Trenten's 1st Trip to a movie theatre. None of us particularly cared for this Reese Witherspoon film!

Got Hardware?

Every room in my house....

became an assembly line. Jenna I'm sorry this was not posted sooner!!!

Hardware Before & After shot!

Which led to a much needed Get A Way to Kerrville, TX

Our drive up the mountain... (I got car sick!)

First mornings breakfast brought to our room!

The only picture of us shoping in Fredricksburg! Really more like walking Fredricksburg! We were good, we spent very little here.

2nd mornings breakfast brought to our room! I could get use to this!

Excited about Kayaking Trip down the River...

Kayaks...

River...

Bad Weather Canceled our trip! Really Sad Day!

So we went Hiking instead!

On the plus side this was free, courtsy of Our Awesome God!

Last Day's Breakfast, brought to our room once again!

View from our Balcony...

Oh' yeah... Our Room!

Jacuzzi Tub for 2!

Log Fire Place in corner...

Sitting Area...

The Safety of Traveling with a cop....
PRICELESS!

Until Next Time,
Julie

One more Day!!!

2009-04-23T07:32:00.000-07:00

Stores at Fredricksburg

Scenery of Fredricksburg

Where I'd like to sit & read all day, but Adam won't let me!

What I'd like to see on a hike!

ONE MORE DAY! Until 4 days & 3 nights of this! Beautiful, quit, relaxing Fredricksburg. Stay tuned for pictures of our trip. Please pray for our safety as we Travel! Have a great weekend in Malakoff with out us....

Until Tuesday,
Julie

Things to do list....

2009-04-16T12:35:00.000-07:00

Feel free to join in sharing your "List of Things to do this weekend".
As for me:
-Reviving old cabinet hardware with CLR!
-Rehanging cabinet doors that are completely finished
-Finish Painting any doors that are NOT Finished!
-Finish planting Flowers in front yard
-Cut Landscaping Timbers for Flower beds
-Put mulch out
-Clean my house
-Grocery Shopping
-in between all these projects keep kids from hurting themselves, or each other. Also, keep them fed, watered, and alive!

Please Pray for us!
Until Monday,
Julie & the Rest of the Estes Crew!

Where has April gone?

2009-04-13T10:18:00.000-07:00

Does anyone really need this? We all know where we were this weekend. Really for the last 2 weeks preparing for this past weekend. Incase you are one of the few who are in the dark, this weekend our church put on a play called "Bow The Knee". It was amazing! A lot of people poured a lot into making this weekend happen. I hope & pray that all that hard work will continue to pour out into the community & continue to plant seeds for Jesus.
That aside I'm exhausted! How about you other Bloggers out there? I miss my bed, I miss my kids, I miss my husband who has been on vacation since April 1st and yet we've managed to see less of eachother in the past 13 days rather than more? I also really really miss my bed, and a full 8 hours of uninterupted sleep! I can't blame that all on the play, because sleep as a mother of a 3 & 1 year old is a joke. You never get enough anymore.
On the bright side of this blog, I am looking forward to the remainder of April. Our goal is to soak up the time off we have together, before it is sadly over as of May 1st. We have some day trips planned as a family over the next couple of weeks. This week is the Texas Freshwater Fisheries in Athens, and possibly taking Trenten to see "Monsters Vs. Aliens" which would be his first time to a movie theatre. Along with finishing up some house project we started the 1st week Adam was off... that may have been a little much all at once.
I have the first coat of black on all the kitchen cabinets, except for a small lower section that we are not brave enough to paint with Jonah awake. Plus painting all the doors, and sprucing up the original hardware. If you have never been to our house, you will not understand the magnitude of this one project! We have A LOT of cabinets, which equals A LOT of doors!
Did I mention several Flats of Flowers I thought I would be able to plant all in one day? Plus cutting the Landscaping Timbers we bought to divide new flower beds from the rest of our jungle! I'm starting to worry the flowers will be dead before I get them in the ground!
With not having TV, you would think Time would be of over abundance in our house? Yet, I have all these projects started... that are needing finished before OCD Julie has a nervous breakdown, and yet so little time to do it in! Also not to mention the disagreements my OCD problem starts with Adam not painting the way I think is right, & flower beds not being perfectly level... I know, I'm terrible. Which leads to us really needing some of this....
The Greatest thing left to look forward to in April is the 24th-27th. Adam & I are taking our first real trip together, alone!!! We went to Dallas for the weekend for our Honeymooon due to my school schedule. With all intentions of taking a real honeymoon later. Well, almost 6 years & 2 kids later Dallas is as far as we've been for a couple of weekend trips. Plus one weekend in San Antonio for Mother's Day when Trenten was 4 months old, and a family Trip to Arkansas for Thanksgiving 2 years ago. Needless to say, we so desperately need this! 4 days 3 nights of just us in a Bed & Breakfast in Fredricksburg. Neither of us have ever stayed in a B&B, or gone to Fredricksburg. So we are excited, and counting down the days!
Stay tunes for more posts & pictures of our fun trips, and yes "Projects" around the house!
Until May,
Julie

What to do when the Great Outdoors... come Indoors???

2009-04-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

It seems we are not alone here at the offices of Tri-City Steel. I thought I was loosing my mind, or having an adverse reaction to some of my new medications... but NO! The sounds of Raccoon's talking to each other, just like the movie "The Great Outdoors" is really happening above my head!
For those of you who don't know, our Offices are in a very old building in Malakoff. We have built three new offices in the existing old building, and it's starting to look really good. Unfortunately, we still have some problems with the Old Part. They found there way in here somehow, and are living in the space between the roof, and the old ceiling. Yes, I said they... they have babies too! It's a whole Raccoon family, and maybe even some friends dropin' by from time to time.
Yesterday I kept hearing them talk to each other, and I thought they were under the floor. So what does any girl do in a situation like this? I go get my big brother! He confirmed that it sounded like Racoon's, but he was hesitant to take a look & see. I'm still trying to sweet talk Adam into sticking his head up there, but he would rather someone else do it also. This is when I'm glad to be a girl! I'll use that excuse to not have to stick my head up there with a flashlight. I can just picture in my mind a Raccoon jumping on my face, and attacking me. No thanks!
So the City of Malakoff is coming out to set traps Monday. They have assured me that they will not kill them, that they take them out to the Country & let them go. So watch out Flo' they may be coming to visit you soon! If I get any pictures of my fury friends I will be sure to post! I just hope in the mean time we can all live together in Peace & Harmony!

Houston We Have A Problem!!!

2009-02-09T13:48:00.000-08:00

Trenten & I ready to Hit the Road

Unexpected Road Bumps, AKA a bacterial eye infection!

This weekend Trenten & I were heading to Houston to my Best Friend Tammy's house to help out getting everything done for the Girls Big 3rd Birthday Party. These folks know how to throw a Party let me tell you! Which is great, but it makes for a lot of work. Which is no problem for the dynamic duo of Tammy & Julie.
Here is our Weekend Recap. We arrived at Tammy's home Thursday afternoon, after several pit stops for some unbelievable requests by Trenten. One to cut out the tags in his underwear & pants because "They stingin' me momma!". Praise be to Jesus we made it there safely, and all was well.
So we thought anyway. A couple hours after arriving Tammy's Mom (Mrs. Beasley) & I kept smelling Gas. After just encountering this experience at my own home earlier in the week, I have became somewhat of a Natural Gas smeller expert! So, the very nice "Gas Man" comes out to check all the appliances, lines, & so on. Tammy's oven was leaking a dangerous amount of Carbon Monoxide, and the furnice in the attic was leaking Gas. What a day. Needless to say, we felt it safer to load the entire family up & go somewhere else for a while.
We stayed the night at Tammy's sister (Rachel) house. When I woke up the next morning my eye felt like it had something in it. When I checked it out in the miror, there was a little sleep but nothing to be concerned over. Yet, it kept feeling like something was stuck in there! Just enough to drive you a little crazy. As the day progressed we were busy bee's reorganizing different rooms in Tammy's house, and by 2pm my eye was swelled shut. You know it's bad when people can not eat with you across the table from them, and when people walk in to the ER, they make a point to sit as far away from you as possible!
Yes that's right, I said ER. That's where we ended up. In the big city they have these places called Minor ER's. Awesome let me tell you. In & out much faster than the ER here at home! After a shot of Recephen in the rear, oral antibiotics for the next 10 days, and eye drops. We were back on the road to recovery.
PARENTAL DISCRETION ADVISED THE FOLLOWING PICTURES MIGHT MAKE YOU SICK TO YOUR STOMACHE!!!

No big Deal for this Crew though! We can have a blast wherever, whenever, & however. The Great thing about us is we are an all Natural Good Time. No drugs or alcohol needed! Although you'd think we were on something by the following pictures.

"Yes, my Husband & I are fine!!!"

Dr. Trenten Gloving Up!

No, I'm not winking at you....

My Eye Trenten not my ear!

Does this thing work???

We could not stop laughing! I was shocked they did not do a breathalizer!

He's my kid, and he's still not use to such a loud laugh...

After all of this, we were still able to get all the baking done, and house clean for the Amazing Party. I'd like to give a shout out to Jacob (Big Bob) who is the GRILLMASTER! The most amazing Fajita's I ever ate! Great Cake, and cookies the kids got to decorate at the "Heart" themed party! I took notes, so that one day I can throw as great of a shindig!

I will close with some pictures from the Party!

Let me give you my good side!

An awful lot of Frosting for such a little cookie!

Sweet Hannah posing with her cookie!

Macie & Ashton getting the job done! (Cousins)

Hannah hard at work, Haleigh kickin' back to enjoy heaven in her mouth!

Trenten snackin' on his sprinkles...

Drew stealing candy out of the jar. He just thought no one was looking!

Drew still eating all the candy, & the amazing castle cake!

Jacob (Big Bob) preping all the wonderful FOOD!

Trenten helping us get the job done! What a great duster...

That's all for now!
Until next time,
Julie

How far is a "Money Saving mom" willing to go?

2009-02-02T10:40:00.001-08:00

I would like to give a shout out to all the other Money Saving Moms out there, who are trying to find ways everyday to save money to achieve certain goals. For some it is just the thrill of saving a few bucks wherever you can. For others its a must do to be able to stay home with their children, or to be able to only work part time like me.
A little over a year ago, I cut back my hours at work to part time to be able to spend more time with my rapidly growing kiddo's, and to be able to keep up with the responsibilities of being a Wife & Mother a little better. Well as many of you may have experienced yourselves, when you sacrifice an others income in a family you have to drastically change your lifestyle sometimes. The last year I have constantly analyzed our budget looking for things to cut to have more money. Not money to blow, just money for necessities. Like going to the Dentist. Who has money left over after paying all the bills, to go to the Dentist when you do not have Dental Insurance!
I was overwhelmed the other day when I started thinking about all the Dental work Adam needs done, and I have some too. Now Trenten is 3, and has never seen a Dentist & they recommend that children see a Dentist when they are 2 now. How in the World are we going to pay for all this Dental work? Here comes the "Money Saving Mom" in me.
So I get Online & find where the Baylor College of Dentistry takes patients. It is not based on income level, but on what dental work you need done. The Dental work is not FREE, but is on average 30-40% cheaper than regular Dentist Offices. They also see children, and do Orthodontic care as well. It is just a matter of being selected as a patient.
I have been told that I am crazy for considering letting a student Dentist work on my teeth, or the kids teeth. Do people not realize that their dentists were once students too? I am willing to let a student work on my teeth, if it makes getting my teeth fixed a reality because of the lower costs. To any of you other Money Saving Moms that do not find this crazy, you can look up for yourself how to become a patient at:
www.tambcd.edu/resources/becomepatient.html
Also, I hear there is a Dental College over in Tyler I have not looked anything up on them. It's an idea though, if Tyler is closer for you.
Until Next Time,
Julie

I did it all by myself....

2008-10-14T19:49:00.000-07:00

Make a Smilebox greeting

Pizza, Pizza, Pizza!

2008-09-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

This reminds me so much of myself at a young age. Tonight as I was cleaning the kitchen after supper. I was singing, as I worked. Which is not uncommon in this house. You would think I was one of the seven dawrfs sometimes. Anyway, I'm sure some of you are familiar with this hymn.
Jesus, Jesus, Jesus
Let all heaven & Earth proclaim
Kings & Kingdoms will all pass away
But there is something about that name
Now, don't hold me to these being the correct words. My great- grandmother tought me most of the hymns I know. Well, she was in the early stages of Alzheimer's at the time. So let's just say the words aren't always in the right order... but that is another blog!
Well, I am just singing away. Here comes Trenten running into the kitchen singing:
Pizza, Pizza, Pizza
Kings & kingdoms
Pizza, Pizza, Pizza
Let's just say I'll be praying that he comes to Love Jesus as much as Pizza!
It gave Adam & I a good laugh, hope it will you too!
Until Next Time,
Julie

My latest Bible Journey...

2008-09-27T19:11:00.000-07:00

For those of you who do not know, about a month ago I started back to College to finish my Bachelor's Degree in Business Administration. I made a commitment the week classes started, that no matter how hectic life became I would still read my Bible every night.Which like a lot of Christians I have struggled, and flat out failed at several days over the last few weeks. I thought a great idea to help hold me to my commitment would be to start reading in the book of Job. I have a philosophy I try to live by, to keep me from throwing myself pity parties on the regular basis. My Philosophy is: "No matter how bad you have it in life, there is always someone worst off than you are!" Try to stay with me here, I know that sounds kind of tacky and mean.
This is only one of my many "Philosophies on Life". I am sure as time passes you will be blessed by many more. Please note, that was a joke. So, needless to say I thought with all of the trials and tribulation that Job suffered through in his life, that this would be a great book of the Bible to help through my own trials over the next few months. Here are some thoughts out of the Prayer Journal I have been keeping.
Job 1 20-22
At this Job got up & tore his robe & shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground IN WORSHIP & said: "Naked I came from my mother's womb, & Naked I will depart THE LORD GAVE & THE LORD HAS TAKEN AWAY; MAY THE NAME OF THE LORD BE PRAISED." In all this Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. (the all CAPS are the part of the verse that struck my heart)
In case you do not know what happened in the verses leading up to this,here is my short & sweet version. Job was a man of God, who had been very blessed in every way really by God. Satan comes to God, and asks to challenge Job's faith in God. Satan believes he can get Job to curse God. So God allows Satan to test Job's faith, but not to kill him. So Satan basically takes everything from Job. His children, livestock, health,and so on.
Verses 20-22 are Job's reaction to this. I was overwhelmed by the way he was able to Worship the Lord immediately after loosing all of his children at once.This being one of my greatest fears(loosing any of my precious children)having this attitude afterward is hard for me to imagine.
This is what I desire for my heart to be like. I want to Praise the Lord in Good times, Bad times, and all of the in between.I know that this only comes from the Lord. I want to challenge all of you to search your hearts, and to desire a Heart like Job's.
Join me next time, when I will discuss how I have applied Job's life to my own over the last several weeks.
Until Next Time,
Julie

This is so sad...

2008-09-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

Well, I am happy to announce that we are now up & running with internet at home. Hurricane Ike has affected our life in more ways than one, but that is another Blog coming soon! Due to Hurricane Ike Embarq was unable to set up my internet at home until today. I have been in desperate need of internet here at the house since I started my three internet classes. I have been all over the county in the last three weeks bumming off others for their internet. Thank you to all of these people, (you know who you are) for helping me so much.
I can not wait to share about the last three weeks. To say they have been "fun filled" is an understatement! Tonight we started a Marriage Conference at our church. It has been wonderful so far, and we are both really looking forward to tomorrow. I had to turn in some economics homework before midnight tonight, so it has been a mad dash since I came home to get everything done & turned in. Trenten and I did it though! What a great helper he and his "Thomas the Train" are... I think its time we call it a night.
Looking forward to re-joining the Blogger World, if you will still have me.
Until next time,
Julie

A Better Week...

2008-08-20T10:30:00.001-07:00

I would like to Thank everyone who has been praying for me over the last week. I have been able to tell a huge difference. I am happy to announce that this week is going much better! I would like to Thank my Husband who has offered a lot of encouragement over the last week, and for the Beautiful Roses this morning "For No Reason". I'm sorry that I had a hard time believing that they were really for "Just Because... to brighten my day." That was very sweet, and made not just my day, but the rest of my week. Thanks again to everyone for your prayers.
Until Next Time,
Julie

Constant Change...

2008-08-14T12:50:00.000-07:00

(Above) Trenten at 9 months old

(Above) Trenten Last weekend swimming at Grandma's

This week I am struggling with something we all know is inevitable. We all want a say in it, but life doesn't always allow us that either. It throws constant battles of adjustment & struggles our way... have you guessed it? That's right Changes. The nothing ever stays the same fact of life. I struggle with the part of balancing ALL the changes in life, all at once.

(Above) Jonah when he was First Born

(Above) Jonah swimming last weekend at Grandma's

As you can see from my pictures I'm struggling with how fast time has gone by with my kids. I keep looking at Jonah, and remembering how it was like yesterday that was Trenten. I look at Trenten and think how tomorrow that will be Jonah. Can I just say, I'm not ready for that! Change is all around us. For example take a look at the last year of our lives.

I'm 5 months pregnant with Baby # 2
Adam and I nearly get divorced
Adam changes from night shift to days to help restore our marriage
Baby Jonah arrives
I cut back to Part Time at work
We sell are nice gas saving car
Adam changes careers
Adam goes back to working nights (but don't worry we're not getting divorced)
Jonah no longer likes coming to work with Mom
I'm going back to school in the Fall to finish my degree in "Business Administration"

God has brought us through so much, and I know he will continue to take me through all the changes that are coming. This past week in my Woman's Bible Study I learned about turning my worries into prayers. I have been praying all week for me to just have Faith that God will provide for us through all these upcoming changes. It had been a great week of feeling like all my burdens had been lifted. Then last night, after a day of Jonah crying non-stop while I tried to get work done, and situations coming my way all day that I don't know what I'm going to do about. My Spirit was kind of broken, and I found myself worrying & frustrated over everything. So, please pray for me. Pray for strength to deal with what is coming my way right now, pray for me to quit worrying over situations and take them to God where they belong.

Until Next Time,

Julie

Feelin' Frogy ?

2008-08-13T12:35:00.000-07:00

(Above) Cutest Frog Cake Ever!

(Above) For the Cutest Nephew Ever!

(Above) Don't forget the Lilipad Cupcakes!

This is what I did this weekend. It was a lot of fun for everyone, let me tell you! Adam left for work early because I was driving him crazy trying to arrange the shape of the frog perfectly! I just could get it just right... Jonah enjoyed hanging out under the table waiting for the green frosting to hit the floor. He enjoyed eating some, and then crawling through the house & spreading it EVERYWHERE! If I never see green frosting again, it wouldn't hurt my feelings a bit. Trenten struggled with the temptation to eat the little yellow flowers off the lilipad cupcakes... but we all survived! Kaleb loved his frog cake, & it made my day to see how his face lit up when he saw it. Anything for my favorite Nephew!

Until Next Time,

Julie

Bloging Difficulties....

2008-08-07T11:51:00.000-07:00

To all my blog fans & friends, I'm trying to create a page element that links your blogs to mine... some are not working. So if someone could tell me what to type in to get Keri & Andi's to work I would appreciate it. Also, it's a work in progress like everything else in my life. So if your name is not on there, please don't be offended. Tell me how to put it on there, and I will. Also, where do you people get these cute page lay outs? I'm really sick of the whole dot theme, but I don't have anything else to chose from? Help!!!!

Until Next Time,

The incompetent Blogger Julie

The Heart of a Woman...

2008-07-29T06:26:00.000-07:00

(Above) Our Kitchen

I came to a realization yesterday as I was cleaning my house... and I felt like I needed to share it with the rest of you. Yes, I was cleaning my house on my day off, which seems to be how I spend my days off these days! The last 2 weeks has been nothing but hectic & stressful around the Estes household. My work has been really demanding, then all the changes that came with Adam's new night job, let's just say really cleaning my house was on the back burner. So yesterday, after 2 weeks worth of just being "Straightened up" my house needed a good "real" cleaning.

I don't know about the rest of you, but the Kitchen is the Heart of our Home. I can deal with the rest of the house being a little messy, but I can not stand to be in my house if the kitchen is not clean. So yesterday I spent a good part of my morning taking my kitchen from a "Straightened Kitchen status" to a "Immaculate Kitchen Status". As I was slaving away, I started thinking about the last 2 weeks and how the Kitchen got like this. I started thinking, "Am I the ONLY one who can wipe down counters around here? Am I the ONLY one that can use a broom & a mop around here? For crying out loud Jonah crawls all over these floors! Am I the ONLY one who thinks about that! If other people would just help a little, I wouldn't have to spend this much time out of my day CLEANING!" (For the Record, the kitchen really wasn't that bad!)I had to stop myself, and take a deeper look. As the Kitchen is the Heart of our home, the gathering place of our family... What has my Heart been like these past couple of weeks? How did it get like this? I've just been keeping it "Straightened up" I haven't really taken the time to clean it up, make it Immaculate again. My heart is what trickles out to the rest of the family. What kind of Gathering Place have I been for my family the last couple of weeks?

I started to see that I had become this unhappy, almost bitter woman over the last month or so. Really since Adam had started his new job. I had become focused on "me" and what inconveniences his new schedule had put on "me"! I wasn't making time for God everyday, because I had all this responsibility to take care of on my own! Cleaning my Kitchen yesterday I realized I'm trying to handle it all on your own! Don't you get it, you stupid girl! You can't do it all on your own, there are not enough hours in the day! You need God, to renew you, give you strength, to keep your "Heart" & attitude in the right place.

After I was finished, it was like God reminded me of all the things my Husband had try to do over the last month or so to help, that just wasn't enough in my eyes at the time. He would do dishes some mornings after I left for work, before he would go to sleep after working all night. He would change laundry loads when he thought of it. He had tried to help, but I was to busy focusing on what I had done. I couldn't see that he was trying.

This weeks Woman's Bible Study by Angela Thomas challenged me. When she talked about "expecting perfection out of everyone, and things being up to your standards". That's exactly what I have been doing with my house. If anyone else walked in, they would think it was clean, and looked nice. I look around and see things that need done, and consider it "Straightened" not "Clean". I learned that I need to be more merciful, and that comes through God and God alone!

I would like to challenge any Woman who is reading this to take a look into the Heart of your Home. Are you trying to keep it "Straightened up" all by yourself? Do you need God to give you a "real cleaning"?

Until next time,

Julie

What's Been Keeping me so busy!

2008-06-25T11:50:00.000-07:00

For Those of you that have been asking, here are the latest cake pictures from the last month!

Giant 30th Birthday Cookie cake

Wedding Shower Cake

Upclose Real Flowers atop Wedding Shower Cake

Baby "Paiton" Shower block cake, with cupcakes, & cookies

Upclose of Baby "Paiton" cookies

The Beasley Family...

2008-06-02T14:21:00.000-07:00

(Above) Picture of Mr. & Mrs. Beasley's 25th Anniversary Cake (Exact replica of their wedding cake) & no Tammy wouldn't let me make it! She wanted me all to herself, not baking in the kitchen all day! Thanks Tammy!

Over our Memorial Day weekend we went to Houston to help my Best Friend Tammy out with her Parents 25th Anniversary Party. Here's some thing's Adam & I took away from the weekend...

1. Since were going to stay together for 25 years we need to start taking more pictures together! So our children have plenty for the slide show

2. Never tell your spouse she ought to get the lap band done if she wants to look hot, although you'd rather her stay the way she is so other men wont find her attractive

3. Be grateful & Praise God for each day he gives us together, despite what your spouse does or says through your journey together... because it's a GIFT

It is hard to see Tammy going through so much right now. I literally want to step in, and take on some of it for her. Cancer, 3 small children, work, a house, & everyday life. I just don't see how she does it ALL! It took a day of resting for me to recover from our weekend, so I can only imagine how she feels. The weekend truly inspired me though. Seeing her Parents happily together after 25 years, and all the blessings God has given them. It was just encouraging. When my Parents rolled over 25 years together, I wasn't married or even dating anyone seriously. Now, after being married for 5 years I've had a taste of how difficult staying together can be. It's not easy in a society where Marriage is not the "Norm" anymore. So Thanks Mom & Dad for your great example, and thanks to Mr. & Mrs. Beasley for letting us share in your celebration. You are all a inspiration to me.

Until Next Time,

Julie

Confessions of a MAN!!!!

2008-05-16T07:47:00.000-07:00

So I have a little confession, and apology to make. Me being the man that I am, has a syndrome known as "foot in mouth". Let me explain. Sunday morning my wife and I were sitting in church listening to the pastors message. Which might I add was a great one as usual, was on the Proverbs woman. As the pastor was preaching, I leaned over to Julie and said jokingly "wow that sounds like me." Of course Julie glared at me with that look. And I knew I was in trouble. I told her that I was joking, and that I know she has to deal with alot more stuff than I do, with kids, work, financies, and all the other wonderful things she has on her plate. But boy did I mess up. Hince "FOOT IN MOUTH". Well I'm here to apologize for putting my foot in my mouth. Although by now almost 5 years later she is used to it, but I do owe her and apology. You are my Proverbs woman and will always be.

Until next mess up
Adam

Thanks to my husband...

2008-05-14T06:51:00.001-07:00

(Above) Me & My Addiction

2 Samuel 2:6
6"Now may the LORD show lovingkindness and truth to you; and I also will show this goodness to you, because you have done this thing.

I need to Thank my husband for being so good to me lately. For those of you who don't we sold the Cavalier a couple of weeks ago. So, now we just have the truck which makes more sense for us. With that though, on the days we both work, we get up at 5am, and he drops Jonah & I off at my work around 6:15am, & then drops Trenten off at Kidsfirst. It's an early, long day.. the nice thing is it has helped me catch up on my work, and get more organized which was desperately needed.

The down side is.. I am not, and probably never will be A MORNING PERSON! I use to hate coffee, would not touch the stuff. Since Jonah came in to my life, I've became addicted to it. I can't hardly function with out it on the days I work. My wonderful sweet Husband has came to this realization the hard way. I admit that I have a not nice side in the mornings, & sometimes poor Adam catches the brunt of that.

The other morning the alarm didn't go off, or neither one of us heard it if it did! So, we woke up around 5:45 and went to running like chickens with our heads cut off! It was a mad dash to get everyone up & going, & out the door on time! We made it though! As we drove by the Exxon, I said "I guess there is no time for coffee huh'?" Adam sweetly replied, "No." I didn't bite his head off, I just sadly said, "Ok.." So, he drops Jonah & I off at my work, takes Trenten to school, and what does my wonderful husband do? He comes back by with my coffee!

He didn't want my day to start off bad at work also. I thought that was very sweet of him. Any man that can love his wife when she looks like she does in that picture is alright in my book! I have to say these early mornings sure our taking a toll on me. Hair up in pony tail, no make up, and far from the "Proverbs 31 woman" he still thinks I'm alright.

Until Next Time,

Julie

Breast is Best Drama....

2008-05-12T16:56:00.000-07:00

Now, Doesn't that look like a happy, healthy baby if you ever saw one! He has been on the boob milk for 6 months today. Way to go, right? I think so, but not everyone shares this mother's enthusiasm. In fact, I feel like I am not very enthusiastic about the experience myself. I don't go around saying everyone should breastfeed, or being an spokesperson for the LLL! Don't get me wrong, I wanted to breastfeed my children. With Trenten I only made 7 weeks, & threw in the towel. So, I really didn't go into the experience with Jonah expecting to make it this long. I have though, & I think that's something to be proud of.

I have taken a lot of criticism lately for continuing to Breastfeed because Jonah is 6 months old. Although it is recommended to Breastfeed until 12 months these days. I would like to make it that long, BUT we'll see when he finally gets those teeth through. I wanted to put this out there so people could understand what is driving me. Take a look at this...

(On the Left Trenten's Daily Medications, which have now been switched up some due to the diagnosis of Asthma last week)

Talk about feeling guilty for throwing in the towel! I will always wonder if I would have breastfed him longer, would he be going through all this now. Maybe, BUT if continuing to breastfeed Jonah will reduce the risk of allergies & asthma for him... Then guess what, I'm gonna' keep on keepin' on!

(On the Right, different supplements we've tried for Jonah & his sensitive stomach)

We started buying these just for him to drink on occasions like Church, staying with family for afternoon, etc. If I quit breastfeeding it would cost $26.00 every 4 days. You do the math! I did, and I know I'd rather keep on breastfeeding than pay that! Wouldn't you?

Another thing I would like for everyone to understand is that yes I'm glad I've got to do this. I know there are Mother's that wanted to, and we're not able to. So, I am grateful. It's not always a bed of roses though. I wish at times I could leave Jonah with family more often, and have some time to myself. I wish I could rock Jonah to sleep at night, but because I'm his food source when I hold him, all he wants is to eat! I wish I could wear regular bras again so my boobs didn't sag to my waist!I think it's sad that I'm looking forward to something like that!

The Reality is I'm doing what I think is best for Jonah & myself right now, and I'm not going to feel bad or guilty about that! I just thought if I shared some of what I miss out on by doing what I feel is best for us, it might help people to see it's not so selfish of me to keep breastfeeding. Thank you for letting me vent on my blog!

Until Next Time,

Julie

The month in pictures...

2008-05-10T07:58:00.000-07:00

I apologize to all our BLOG FANS who have been left in the dark the past month on what we've been up too! This has been a CRAZY BUSY month since I last posted anything. Here is a Review in Pictures....

(Above) Trenten Washing his car

(Above) Family Trip to the Cain Center Trenten's 1st Swiming lesson with Mom & Dad

(Above) Trenten & Dad Swiming!

(Above) Tammy Stops by with kids for a short visit

(Above) Trenten, Haleigh, & Hannah Hangin' out in the back yard

(Above) "LITTLE BOB" as I call him, real name Robert Andrew. Miniture version of his Daddy! If there is such a thing! He is only 6 months old here... his dad "BOB" real name Jacob is 6' 9" TALL. (The Name thing is another LONG story!)

(Above) Future of Tri- City Steel! Emma & Jonah holding down the fort at work with Mom's

(Above) Making the Rounds! Trenten & Jonah @ Great Grandparents house in Eustace

(Above) Crye Family "Celebration of the Cousins"! Palestine, TX

Hope you are caught up now! I'll do my best to keep this from happening again!

Until Next time,

Julie

Our Weekend...

2008-04-09T14:11:00.000-07:00

(Above) Picture of "Gus" (Chocolate Lab) & "Zeke" (Miniture Doxxon) lounging in Backyard together.

Let me back up a couple of weeks here. For those of you who don't know we had a dog named Gus, a beautiful Chocolate Lab. "Had" being the key word there! He was the dog that was given to us by a neighbor, as a Friend for Zeke our 4 year old Miniture Doxxon. Zeke was our Baby before Real Babies. So all the Transitioning he has been through over the last 2 years has been kind of difficult for him. Zeke slept in our bed, wore clothes, and lived in our house before Trenten.

Post Trenten, he went from a kennel at night, to a full time outside dog when we moved to Malakoff a little over a year ago now. That was a really hard adjustment for Zeke, so we took in Gus. That was great for a little while. I had the Chocolate Lab I always wanted my kids to grow up with, like me. Zeke had a friend to play with... life was good.

Then, Gus started EATING EVERYTHING! Adam had never had a lab, so I tried to explain that they just do that during their puupy phase. So, he would quit threatening to get rid of him for a few weeks. I started trying to work with Gus on only eating his things, and not being so rough with Trenten.

That didn't go so well. The tables turned and Adam was then the one talking me into putting the gun away! This dog was the stupidest lab I ever came by! He ate all the wires & hoses to the BBQ, the electrical to the air conditioner, and pretty much anything that would stand still long enough! Any thing BUT the chew toys and stuff bought for him. Anyway needless to say a couple weeks ago Adam found him a new home with the "Dogs Against Drugs" program in Athens. We'll see how he does there!

Anyway, Gus has only been relocated for a couple of weeks... but poor Zeke was once again devestated. All by himself in that big back yard! He would sit & Cry at the Backdoor all night, then last week he quit eating. So Adam told me to find him a friend when he found out I was taking a trip to "First Monday" with his sister Karen, and his mom Cathy.

After a (what seemed to me) long search through the slums of muddy Dog Alley... we found Duke. A perfect match so far forall the family needs. He is Great & gentle with Trenten & Jonah, & him and Zeke get along Great also! Zeke is back to his old self, & we're all happy! More pictures to come!

(Above) Trenten & New member of family DUKE riding home from "First Monday" together!

So, we leave "First Monday all in my Truck. Karen, Cathy, Jonah, Trenten, Duke & myself. We head to Leagueville to Karen & Craig's new house to unload a Kitchen Island that was the original purpose of the trip to "First Monday" to begin with. We stop in Athens to Pick up Adam from work, because he had never seen Craig & Karen's new place either.

(Above) Craig & Karen's New house in Leagueville. Is actually Craig's Grandparents old house, that they are updating, & it looks like new! Great job guys!

We took the Grand Tour, and were blown away at how Great it's looking. We were looking forward to going to dinner with the fam. after unloading the island and all. BUT when you have 2 overly exhausted children, one exhausted husband, and a dog... Sometimes home & to bed is the best option! So we took a rain check on the dinner, and headed home to end our very long day!

My apologies to Craig & Karen for not having a picture of the 2 of you to put on here, the ones we took came out blurry & dark.

(Above) Picture of Adam & Karen after unloading the kitchen island. For the Record Craig & Adam unloaded the island, and Karen Supervised! Way to go Crew!

Finally, the moment you've been waiting for

2008-04-06T04:31:00.000-07:00

It's about 5:30. And I'm at work, and actually have time to write something. Julie has been asking me when am I going to participate in this blog. Of course my response is "when I have time". But I see how much fun she is having with this and decided I'd better put my two cents worth. To be honest, I think I've showed it to every body I've worked with, mostly for the pictures of my kids. But a lot of the nurses like looking at the cake pics as well.
I want Julie to know how much I love her, and the kids. And apologize for me having to work so much. Till next time Adam

God's little blessings....

2008-04-05T09:15:00.000-07:00

(On Left) Trenten Passed out on floor after a Hard night at First Baptist Malakoff's Radiate 08' REVIVAL!

I think Trenten does this just to aggravate his mother! I hate seeing him lying on that COLD floor. I would also like everyone to note the baby gate in the doorway of his room. He's not only an escape artist at Church, it started at home!

When he did this Monday night after Revival, Adam & I got a good laugh out of it. We went through the nightly routine of putting both the boys to bed (they share a room). I sang "the moon song" as Trenten calls it, only about 100 times, then we had to go "TT" one more time, then he needed his Vicks Vapor Rub on, then I finally said, "That's enough Trenten! Get in your Bed & play with your cars!" That's the new reversed psychology I'm using at bedtime. He doesn't cry, and get all dramatic on me if I don't say "Lay down & go Night Night!" He just sits in his bed, and plays with his hot wheels cars until he falls asleep. NOT MONDAY NIGHT though!

He tried climbing the Gate. He tried pulling the gate down. All very quietly so Mom & Dad wouldn't hear, so he thought! Then he finally gave it up, layed down in the Floor, and he was out! Just one way this week that Trenten reminded me, what a BLESSING children are. We take them for Granted in the Hustle & Bustle of everyday life. When I saw him looking so precious & sweet asleep on the floor, I Thanked God for the Reminder of not taking our children for Granted... and then I said, I have to get a picture and put that on my BLOG!

(On Left) Jonah having a blast in his exersaucer this week!

It was nice this week on my 2 Days off to get to spend some quality time with the kids. Jonah & I got some one on one time playing while Trenten was taking a nap. Of course they never take a nap at the same time! That's okay though.. I worry if I actually got to take a nap one day, that I would want one everyday! That's just not reality so I would rather not even get started with that.

They grow so---- fast! Adam dressed Jonah for Revival one night this week in a hand-me-down that Trenten wore in his 6 month pictures. We were looking at Trenten's picture, & saying "It seems like we took him to get these pictures done yesterday, & now his brother is wearing his outfit! That's Crazy!" My, how time fly's when your having fun. I think My, how time fly's when your busy fits a little better, but that's just me.

Until Next Time,

Julie

Julie's Cake Pictures

2008-04-04T15:46:00.001-07:00

My Hobby...

2008-04-02T09:36:00.000-07:00

It all started back in 1993 when My Aunt Carolyn (My Mom's Sister) came to California for a visit. I was 10 years old, & it was during the Summer. So boredom was high on the list of things to do! My Aunt had recently taken a Wilton Cake class, & started decorating Cakes for friends for a little extra money on the side! She brought her decorating kit with her, so she could show off her new skills... Never knowing she would ignite the Passion in her niece to do the same.
From that Summer on, I became the cake girl in our family. I always loved to bake, cook, make "New Creations".. Pretty much anything in the Kitchen other than stinkin' Dishes! I continued on my journey of doing Cakes for all the family Birthdays for years. I had all these cool cake ideas in my head, but when you're using the 4 basic plastic cake tips from Wal-Mart because that's all you have... Your kind of limited! My sweet Husband Adam realized this, so for Christmas in 2006 he bought be a Wilton beginner Cake Kit! Trenten's 1st Birthday was coming up in January, & that was the first cake I used my kit with! It was so much fun... we call it the cake that Started it all! You can see it on my Slide show, it's the Doggy Cake.
I was so excited when My Aunt Carolyn, the one who started my interest in Cake baking moved here to Crossroads TX. Now we've started doing cakes together on the side. It has been great, she has so much experience & expertise. She has been teaching me lots of new tricks! So, check out my Slide show & you can see what we've been up to in our Spare time! These are not all my Cake Pictures, just my Favorites!
Until Next Time,
Julie

New at this...

2008-03-29T09:22:00.000-07:00

Okay... this bloging thing is all new to us, but I'm excited! I hope everyone enjoys getting to read about our Crazy daily lives.. I say Daily but with all we have going on, we'll see! I had a cake to deliver this morning for a baby shower, & decided while Adam had the kids I would come up to work & set this blog up! I can't tell you how wierd it feels to be working on something & not have to stop a bigillion times because somebody needs something... I Love being a Mom, and I wouldn't trade my life for the world, but this is kind of nice... I forgot how relaxing "quiet" can be!
I wish I could write more, but I do need to get back home... house work, yard work, & Children are needing me I'm sure! Got to LOVE Saturday's! I remember when I looked forward to Saturday because I got to sleep in.... Sleep? What's that?
Until Next Time,
Julie