If any of you know me even the slightest I have 2 characteristics to my personality that can be used for greater good at times, but can also be a boil on the butt of anyone who is dealing with me. I have honestly just came to the realization in recent years that I do have some issues with being "in control" that daily require me to consciously make an effort to overcome. This issue can cause big walls between you and God as a Christian when you just can't make yourself let go and let God even when you really are trying.
My second issue is "being all things to all people at all costs". I have learned so much about this in the last 6 weeks. God has really taken me on a journey of realizing and overcoming that you just can't be all things to all people that's his job not mine! I have realized recently also that many closest to me have paid a greater cost in my need to make everyone happy. The juggling act crumbled, but God was there. Reminding me of his perfect plan for my life and for my family.
Yet, today another journey the Lord delivered me through. A minor surgery with Doctor Ehmer to remove Endometrial tissue that once in there with their camera could see was nearly on every surface of my female organs and all the cracks and crevices between. I had been told before surgery based on the severity a partial or full hysterectomy were possible. After 6 weeks of contemplating what that would mean as far as never being able to have any more children, what it would all be like afterward. Last night I felt a little anxious and saddened. The planner and control freak in me had finances lined out through February, the grocery shopping done, plans for my 2 closest girlfriends to be here for my boys immediately if anything were to go wrong. Adam covered in anyway possible to make things easier on him after my surgery. Then last night after reading Phil. 4-9 I was reminded my anxiousness was for nothing, that all I needed was to present my requests before the Lord and he would hear me. He would send me peace that passes understanding.
The scriptures were right, I was ready this morning and had peace. I can't Thank those who have prayed for me recently enough, I know with out it I would have been a big ball of nerves. I wanted to share Phil 4-9 and this song by Kari Jobe that radiated in my heart before the surgery, through the surgery, and after. I hope it is a Beautiful reminder for you as well as for me about what its really all about, and how BLESSED we really are. I hope you enjoy!
Until Next Time,
Kari Jobe Beautiful Lyrics
Here before your alter
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden
Everything that's of myself
I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who you are
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Oh Lord your beautiful to me
Here in your presence
I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash your feet with humble tears
I would be poured out til' nothings left
And I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who You are
Holy, holy, Holy, You are, you are 4x
Chorus Last time!