My Boys

My Boys

Monday, December 20, 2010

A Beautiful Reminder...

If any of you know me even the slightest I have 2 characteristics to my personality that can be used for greater good at times, but can also be a boil on the butt of anyone who is dealing with me. I have honestly just came to the realization in recent years that I do have some issues with being "in control" that daily require me to consciously make an effort to overcome. This issue can cause big walls between you and God as a Christian when you just can't make yourself let go and let God even when you really are trying.

My second issue is "being all things to all people at all costs". I have learned so much about this in the last 6 weeks. God has really taken me on a journey of realizing and overcoming that you just can't be all things to all people that's his job not mine! I have realized recently also that many closest to me have paid a greater cost in my need to make everyone happy. The juggling act crumbled, but God was there. Reminding me of his perfect plan for my life and for my family.

Yet, today another journey the Lord delivered me through. A minor surgery with Doctor Ehmer to remove Endometrial tissue that once in there with their camera could see was nearly on every surface of my female organs and all the cracks and crevices between. I had been told before surgery based on the severity a partial or full hysterectomy were possible. After 6 weeks of contemplating what that would mean as far as never being able to have any more children, what it would all be like afterward. Last night I felt a little anxious and saddened. The planner and control freak in me had finances lined out through February, the grocery shopping done, plans for my 2 closest girlfriends to be here for my boys immediately if anything were to go wrong. Adam covered in anyway possible to make things easier on him after my surgery. Then last night after reading Phil. 4-9 I was reminded my anxiousness was for nothing, that all I needed was to present my requests before the Lord and he would hear me. He would send me peace that passes understanding.

The scriptures were right, I was ready this morning and had peace. I can't Thank those who have prayed for me recently enough, I know with out it I would have been a big ball of nerves. I wanted to share Phil 4-9 and this song by Kari Jobe that radiated in my heart before the surgery, through the surgery, and after. I hope it is a Beautiful reminder for you as well as for me about what its really all about, and how BLESSED we really are. I hope you enjoy!
Until Next Time,

Kari Jobe Beautiful Lyrics
Here before your alter
I am letting go of all I've held
of every motive, every burden
Everything that's of myself

I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who you are

Beautiful, Beautiful
Oh, I am lost for more to say
Beautiful, Beautiful
Oh Lord your beautiful to me

Here in your presence
I am not afraid of brokenness
To wash your feet with humble tears
I would be poured out til' nothings left

And I just want to wait on you, my God
I just want to dwell on who You are

Chorus Again

Holy, holy, Holy, You are, you are 4x

Chorus Last time!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

The Long Road...

This week God has reminded me in several ways about how He always has his hand upon us, and how His Plan is the Perfect Plan. I have always struggled with this. I have learned thus far in my life that I like to control my life too much, and I miss out on many Blessings from above because I'm trying to control everything instead of letting go and letting God.

This week so much has happened in this area I could Blog about. I resigned from leading the Wednesday night Children's Program at church which was extremely difficult for me personally. My other responsibilities in life have become to demanding to continue on, yet I worried Who else would do it if not me. This Wednesday night out of the blue a girl who is 14 came and volunteered to help lead Games in our Department on Wednesday nights. My last Wednesday, and God delivered. For it was someone who I could not see coming, but God has an ultimate plan and will always provide.

The stories of how God nudged me this week could go on and on, but none were greater than this Thursday at a Doctor Appointment I had put off as long as I could knowing the verdict would not be what I wanted. Dr. Ehmer and I go way back. I came to him as a 19 year old girl who had suffered for 3 years with female problems. Another doctor wanted to take at least one ovary out. Dr. E as I call him fought to keep it, and give me the chance to become a Mother one day. I looked at him hurting and with tears in my eyes at 19 and said, "Can we just try anything so that I can have a child of my own one day... just one." So we did. No surgeries just medications, and a long painful 4 years later Miracle Baby #1 Blessed our lives. He came from the very ovary another doctor wanted to rid me of, the only ovary that I have that does anything from time to time.

Our family was complete. If God never allowed us another I had one handsome little man who I couldn't love anymore. Just as Dr. E suspected he helped rid me of large ovarian cysts that ruptured and caused extreme pain. We Thanked God for the One Baby every doctor before said would never be possible.

Then Surprise. A year later no fertility treatments, no planning at all Miracle Baby # 2 is conceived. This was really never supposed to happen, a pregnancy with out fertility drugs, so I never doubted the entire pregnancy that God was up to something big here. When he was born and landed in the NICU on a ventilator at 9 lbs. I never doubted that God would bring him through, he wasn't done with him yet. I am so Glad he wasn't because this one changed the whole dynamic of our little family from the day he came home.

I remember after my C-Section they let my mom back to talk to me in recovery because Adam was with Jonah on the way to NICU. My mom couldn't understand why I didn't let him tie my tubes while he was in there. I answered, "because Mom I just want to try one more time for a Girl." She replied, "Your crazy.. with everything you've been through and both deliveries have been rough why do that to yourself?" I said, "Stop and think of your life with out me for a second and then tell me its not worth it." She said no more ever again about my quest for a Third baby. Even though it has seemed crazy to plenty of people including my husband at times.

I thought Miracle # 3 was possible and on its way in June. Until the Lord had a different plan, and yes the control freak in me has definitely struggled with this. I can only say it is the most helpless feeling I have ever experienced to have no control or way to Stop a miscarriage. You just have to endure and then pick your self up and move on with a smile because people don't like to see you with out one. Regardless of what you feel like inside, regardless of weather you think in March I should have had a newborn to hold, and that's not going to happen now. It is definitely something only God can carry you through, nothing you can do on your own. Sadly it's not something you are over in a month either, I don't know when you really get over it because I'm not there yet. I do know that I found great peace in giving her a name, instead of referring to it as "the miscarriage" or "it". My gut tells me it would have been a girl, although it was to early to tell. Everything about the pregnancy was different from day 1 than the boys pregnancies... so that's my opinion. So we named her Adlie. Half Adam's name half my name. Pronounced "Adlee" if that helps. A name we considered for a girl, although Adam really wanted Abigail.

Four months have passed, and as far as my female organs go I am a mess. Trenten fixed me temporarily, Jonah gave me some issues here and there, but Adlie has reeked havoc on me to sum it up nicely. Dr. E believes the pain is endometriosis now, and has put me on 2 medications for this. He is giving the medications 6 weeks to make me feel like a new woman or surgery it is. It has been a long road leading to this point, one that he has held my hand for 10 years now through. I cried as we discussed the possibility of a hysterectomy because even though at this fork in the road I know that is best it is hard to have your female organs removed and KNOW you will never have another child. Yet there is peace here. I love that I have a Christian doctor who can say to me, we prayed for one miracle and God blessed you with two... what more could you ask for.

I have peace that there are many ways to be a mother. God has blessed our family with the witness of that through the 7 over the past 4 months also. Do I think it is by coincidence that all of that runs together. I do not. I have been reminded that there are lots of great kids who need someone to love them and teach them right here in our community. So if I have a hysterectomy does that mean I will never have a 3rd... I don't believe so. This is where I find my peace. In that the Lord has a perfect plan not only for me, but for my family, and although it is unknown I need not worry for it is in the Masters Hands!

Our Journey together has Only Just Begun...

They have been worth every moment along the Long Road!

Until Next Time,

Monday, October 18, 2010

Just a Voice...

I am just a Voice of someone I used to know
Hushed silent...
although at times feeling like I'm screaming
at the top of my lungs in my own little sound proof box.
No matter how hard I try to beat the walls of my box down away from me
to free myself from my tourment they stand firmly in place
Like a solid rock unable to be moved.

No one can hear me.
I say the same things over and over but none in my world acknowledge them.
Who am I?
Just a whisper drifting through their lives in the wind.

Is it selfish to even want to be heard? My life is not my own...
The pain of the uncomfortable silence cuts deep
Wounds fester, bleed deep beneath the surface...
Yet, we throw a band-aid over them and say, "that's done."
My wounds are gapping open, my sores are fresh...
Yet the one who should be my nurse throws salt in my wounds...

Maybe I should surcume and give up the fight.
Maybe the life of a deaf, dumb, blind, mute should be the life for me.
Why do I bother!!!
Maybe this is the dumbest thing I've ever wrote, for sure the ugliest...
Maybe it just had to be done!
Maybe its late and I should just go to bed....

Sunday, October 3, 2010

The Accumulation...

Accumulation \Ac*cu`mu*la"tion\, n. [L. accumulatio; cf. F. accumulation.]

1. The act of accumulating, the state of being accumulated, or that which is accumulated; as, an accumulation of earth, of sand, of evils, of wealth, of honors. [1913 Webster]

2. (Law) The concurrence of several titles to the same proof. [1913 Webster]

Accumulation of energy or power, the storing of energy by means of weights lifted or masses put in motion; electricity stored.

The trials and tribulations that Adam and I have entered with in the last couple of months are what we call "The Accumulation". It has been a stage of being accumulated that's for sure. There has been a lot of energy and power and masses put into motion during this process. There has definitely been a lot of electricity stored.

The issues haven't been anything new. Either issues swept under the rug and ignored until they couldn't be anymore. The majority simply the inevitable catching us completely unprepared. Events in life hitting all at once, and nothing you can do to stop them or control them. For me, the control freak a breaking point. Circumstances out of my control do not mix well with the need to fix everything.

First went Adam's car, then the water heater, then my truck had to have 2 new tires because something sliced mine apart. It's life events at the worst time. The no money no savings time. The weight of these burdens pushes down on the adults in the household. The bickering begins. The saying things you can't take back, and after a while of this beating each other down routine you look at each other and say these dreaded words. "What are we doing here? Is there anything worth saving?" While 2 little boys look at you with eyes begging that you do.

Then comes the Bottom. Rock bottom that is. For some the fall is further than it is for others to reach but the destination is the same. The state of emotions, thoughts, anger, bitterness, and frustration that come with this place are unbelievable. You will never know until you have been there. What you learn in life here is significant, and I hope and pray what we take away is even greater. It's not like Adam and I were Millionaires who lost everything, we have never lived far off the bottom to tell you the truth.

When we were first married we lived off Adam's $6.00 an hour job, while I attempted Nursing School and worked when I could on weekends which wasn't often. This started the accumulation long ago. I failed, and we went on Adam changed careers and so did I. We've brought 2 beautiful boys into the world, and have lived pay check to pay check with none left over the entire time. No room for the unexpected's in life, and sitting back watching and saying eventually this is going to get us. Eventually something is going to break and cost us big and we will be in a hole with no way out.

That day has come. The juggling act with the bills since disaster struck can be done no more. The hole has been dug, and now we must do what we need to do to get out of it. This is where it really gets hard. This is where the Marriage was really tested, and Satan was alive and well. I'm having to do thing I don't necessarily WANT to do. So is Adam. I dug my heels in and refused in the beginning, and even said "if that's my options you go your way and I'll go mine." but God got a hold of me. I was reminded that Jesus didn't want to carry the cross and die on it. He pleaded with his Father any other way Father than this? BUT when he knew it was the only way he did it, and he did it not for himself but for us.

So, we are moving this week to a house off of East Dewey. We live off of West Dewey now so I am calling it the Journey of how far the East truly is from the West, you know like the song. This will help in repairing our financial situation, and get our financial plan in place that we are unable to do here. Basically we are going to act our wage! Which isn't much. The prize is getting me through school in two years, and that will be our focus where we are going. So that once I am finished we may have a somewhat normal stable flow in life that we have never been able to have.

We hope to begin moving Tuesday, and covenant your prayers as this will be difficult. I am in the Middle of 4 Classes this semester, 2 are Internet and so it will be chaotic moving let alone trying to keep my classes from getting behind in the process. Pray for the adjustment as a family. Trent has lived here since he was a year old. He doesn't remember any where else. Jonah was brought home from the hospital here. Trent is not very excited about moving so far, but I know they will probably adjust easier than Adam and I. Pray for our Marriage if you are willing. We are so grateful for all who have rallied around us during this difficult time. After this weekend we have the Hope for the first time in a while that our Marriage is not going to be the payment for our mess ups. We have to pull through this together. Yet any married couple knows this is easier said then done at times.

I want to leave you with this, a little something I learned this weekend for if your Marriage is struggling or you are having Financial difficulties as well:
"Bad is Bad but it can be the beginning of something Great!"

Until Next Time,

Saturday, August 28, 2010

A Village to Raise A Child...

Surely we've all heard that saying, " It takes a Village to Raise a Child.." I can recall times in my young parenting life when I thought that made no sense. Everyone in the Village should be able to handle there own children not depend on everyone else for help. Now, remember I said my young parenting years when Trenten was a baby who just laid there and did nothing but eat, sleep, and poop.

With the first week of school coming to an end I could Blog countless stories about my week at school, about Trenten's first week as a big Pre-Ker, and Jonah's first Time out at Daycare. Yet, it's the family Birthday party Friday night out at my parents farm that fills my heart with so many emotions I have to Blog about it.

To start off we just thought we were Village material when we use to all get together with the 5 little ones. My brothers and I have 5 children between us. Kaleb 4, Trenten 4, Jonah 2, Autumn 2, Emma 2. As you can tell we like doing things together spread out would be boring! Between us, our spouse's, our little one's, and our grandparents that come to the family birthday parties it was already quite the house full. Add in the 7 joyful children my parents are now caring for(who's names will be used as initials in this Blog) and there is no doubt or denying the Village scenario!

We had 3 births to celebrate last night my nephew Kaleb's, "S" one of the 7, and my Grandmother who is now called Grandma Jo by the 7 we've all taken a liking to her new name and are using it some ourselves. I have to say that every time I'm around these kiddos I learn something new, my heart is touched in another way that I didn't know possible, and its all so hard to express in words for me.

My parents had balloons everywhere, 3 cakes (one for each person) all different flavors, and food for everyone. Each and every one of the 7 were so excited you would have thought it was their birthday. For my Nephew Kaleb who is only 4 this was a normal routine for him. Yet, for the others it was like watching a kid for the first time on Christmas. They were all anxious to see what everyone was opening, and getting so excited over every gift as if it was their own.

After all the food, presents, and cake all the kiddos went outside to play together. I sat on the deck and watched from a distance as a little girl who just got a bike for her Birthday was so excited she pushed it around parts of the yard where the grass was too thick for her to ride it over and over and over again. I watch the oldest boy "C" settle disputes over who's turn it was to swing and even line the little one's up to wait their turn as he pushed each of the kids on the tree swing.

I watched as my Nephew Kaleb learned from "Z" how to jump off the swing set while swinging mid air and land. A little scary at 4, but he was so proud when he accomplished it like the older boys. I helped "Se" who had an injury on his foot that needed doctoring. Apparently a scrap on his foot from a couple days ago that got infected. It had been hurting him for a while, but he didn't tell anyone. A common character trait for this child. He never complains about a thing!

I watched my dad's soft side as he let little "C" attempt to dress him up with a flowery lay and play itsy bitsy spider on his face. All of us kids got a good laugh when we got to watch my dad discipline two of the 7, which consisted of sending them to their bed for a time out. My brother joked with little "R" that he almost came to get in the bed with him because he thought my dad was talking to him he use to get sent to bed so much. Which made little "R" laugh and feel better.

In a whole I guess what I'm trying to say is so many people see what is being done for these 7 kids, but I just wanted people to see a glimpse of what the 7 kids are giving to us. They have reminded me every time I am around them what a gift love and family can be. They remind me what a blessing our children are to us and how we shouldn't take that for granted. I have the joy of watching my family work together like I've never witnessed before. Like a Village Raising a Child I guess you could say.

Everyone jumps in and is desperate to find a way to help take some of the load of my parents. Weather it's being a waitress like my Sister-in-law Jessica and taking hot dog orders to keep the kiddos from raiding the kitchen, all of us working together to refill drinks, keep kids from getting injured, or running off to far in to their wide open spaces the farm provides. It's family time like we've never experienced before, very different but good for all of us. I am Thanking God for this opportunity, not just for me personally but for our entire family as a whole.

Until Next Time,

Thursday, August 12, 2010

Love & Family....

I already know that I am so blessed to be able to put those two words together. "Love & Family" that is. There are so many people and children a like who today can not describe their childhood or family lives in general as loving. God is taking our family on a journey teaching us more about Love and Family than I honestly ever believed personally possible.

If anyone would have told me 5-10 years ago that my parents would be Foster Parents. I would have laughed and said, "Sure thing". If they would have told me that they would be the Foster Parents of 7 children, I would have said "You must have the wrong folks." Not because my parents aren't capable or loving enough. Just because I never saw my parents doing this sort of thing. They rejoiced when I moved out of their home ten years ago, and they didn't go around saying "Oh' how about getting some more kids.." anytime after that I assure you. My brother Matthew was fairly easy to raise if a child could be labeled that. Mark and I not so much. So, my parents had already paid their dues.

I have watched my parents over the last several weeks become parents again to 7 youngens. Each child is precious and definitely has a personality all there own. My parents didn't do this for money, fame, or fortune. They did it to follow what they felt God calling them to do. I know it has to be of God because where else would they get the patience, strength, perseverance, wisdom, and love for these 7 children.

I have heard many people question weather you can love a child that is not your own? I have even had people ask me in our ventures to Foster on our own how you can let strangers into your home, and treat them the same as your own children. After this experience with my parents I ask how can you not? You can't help but love them, you can't help but want to help them. You can't help but want to get to know them more and more. They're quite hilarious actually. This experience has been eye opening for not just the adults in our family but the children in the family too. Trenten and Jonah play with the kiddos and have already built relationships with them. They look forward to family time together like they do with any of their cousins. I'm grateful that at a young age my children are seeing a witness as how to love and care for others beside yourself.

I am also so grateful for a church who is so loving and supportive. My brothers and I had our concerns in the beginning about our parents taking on 7 kids. Our concerns were that they would just get worn out quicker than they realized. Kids in your 20's and 30's is a lot different than kids in your 50's no offense intended. Our church has stepped up and loved on them in unbelievable ways. Casserole upon Casserole has been sent to help keep my mother from cooking all the time. Clothes, beds, bedding, etc. has been donated to help out. It makes such a huge difference to have such a wonderful support group behind you in situations like this. So Thank You to all who have helped or prayed for them.

I am grateful to my parents for stepping up and following their heart on this when a lot of people might have thought they were crazy. We are all learning from this situation, and I am so grateful for the reminder of how LOVE bears all things and Believes all things, & the greatest thing we can do is LOVE!

Until Next Time,

Sunday, August 1, 2010

The Journey...

My last post was in May. Not from lack of time, although it has been a busy Summer. More so, because I have so much in my mind and heart good and bad that I didn't know how much I should let out. So following my own advice from my last post, I found it best to not say anything at the time. It has been an eventful nearly three months to say the least. I'm not sure really where to even start talking about this Journey I have been on both inward and outward.
It has been a Summer filled with emotion. Some I still have not been able to work all the way through which is okay. God is with me and I am so grateful for that. I have really been hung up for some time now on "THE CALL" in my life. Some of you may have read an early post by me where I discussed the long time desire to stay home with my two little boys and where my "Call" fits into all of that.
I wish that I was writing you today saying ladies I have found all the answers, but I haven't. If anything I feel today that "my calling" is not one specific thing, but an area that is wide and has many needs and ways to serve. Now, I have to sort through this with God and figure out where and how I belong. I know the Journey on this is long from over.
In June, I thought I had it all figured out. I thought God was lining everything up and in order. I could see where and how things were going. I have always had the strong desire to stay home with my children, yet the reality of that has always been unrealistic due to the need for health insurance for our family, and many other factors that I could list on and on. I learned today in a sermon based out of Luke 9 that I'm a lot like the people who say Jesus I want to follow you, BUT first let me tend to this or that. Jesus says, no if you want to follow me take up your cross daily and come on right now. Not do all these other things first.
I bet you think you know where I'm going with this but I bet your wrong. I have listened to sermon after sermon over the summer about following "the call" and how its supposed to be clear to you what that is, doors are supposed to open to make it possible. Then this pastor today says, when you hold the plow and look back and around at everything else that's going on trying to control things in your life you are of no use to God. I'm like you just hit me on the head, thank you so much!
I have the strong desire to be with MY kids, to stay home with MY kids, but over the summer I have been reminded of 2 important lessons. They are not MY kids, they were God's first and he blessed me with them for the time being and its borrowed time. Secondly, there are so many other kids needing a Godly witness, to hear about Jesus, and just be loved by me and what better example to set for my children than its not all about me or them, but about others.
A lot has happened over the Summer so far to open my eyes to this. See, a year and a half ago I was working for my dad making decent money and able to take my kids to work with me. It was great, BUT I felt God dealing with my heart that I had forsaken the Call on my life to work with children. I began to pray for forgiveness first, then for the opportunity for where God wanted me with this. The next Sunday at church they announced they needed help in the Children's Department because one of their workers was due to have a baby any time. I continued to pray, saying God I was thinking more like youth age... but he wouldn't let it go. So, I went to the Children's Minister Allison secretly hoping the spot would have already been filled by another volunteer. Try not to laugh to hard! I've been there ever since, but I have loved every minute of it. Even getting pies thrown in my face!
A few months in to working in the Wednesday night Children's program at church God kept dealing with me that I wasn't where he wanted me. I kept praying for him to reveal to me where it was he wanted me, and God spoke to me in a dream. Don't get freaked out or anything he does it all the time! The dream was Kacey Holt coming up to me during our Wednesday night routine and telling me they were hiring for a position at the school in Malakoff. The next day was Wednesday. So, that night I waited all through our program for Kasey to come up and say something to me and she didn't. So, I called her aside and told her about my dream and asked her if she knew of anything along those lines. Kasey said no, but she would keep it in mind. The next morning she called and said while she was making copies she saw a job posting for a job at the Middle School in the office.
So, I applied, needless to say I didn't get that job.. but I was in the top 3 they told me. I was disappointed, but somehow(Beverly) my application was sent to the Tool Campus when a job came open over there. Long story short they hired me for a very difficult but rewarding job of working one on one with violent students for the past year. Needless to say I learned a lot! I really felt like God used me through out the year also.
Then comes Summer, it had been a crazy school year and all I wanted was my boys. I have thoroughly enjoyed my one on one time with them. Through all my prayers for God to open doors for me to stay home next year, none have been opened. In June I found out that I was pregnant with our third child. I took that as God sealing the deal on me needing to stay home for several reasons. I didn't know how everything was going to pan out exactly but I've had complicated pregnancies in the past and Adam and I both felt it was a bad idea to return to work being as how I had done bed rest in the past and so on. If I hadn't worked for my dad during my pregnancies I probably wouldn't have had a job. Then, the daycare expenses, diaper expenses, it would just be cheaper to stay home at this point! Then on June 29th I had a miscarriage. God has been good, he has given us peace, support, and love beyond measure. Through this Journey I wondered what God was wanting from me, and when I would know. God has already used this experience in my life to help another woman going through the same, the other answers you search for in a situation like this you may never know.
In the middle of all of this my parents became Foster Parents to 7 of the most precious children I have ever known. It has long been a desire of my heart to Foster Parent myself and Adam and I were actually going through the process before finding out about the pregnancy. Then, we weren't sure due to lack of space in our home weather we should continue the process because we weren't sure they would give us any Foster Children now. Now, we are in the process of becoming the Respite Care for my parents and excited about how God is going to use us and what he is going to teach not only us but our entire family through the experience.
Then I took the kids from church to camp for a week in July. A lot came out of that week but the biggest for me was the reminder through those kids how I might be right where I need to be. It might be my selfish desires for what I want to do to do anything differently, but really God needs me to stay right where I am. A year ago this girl was jumping for joy that she landed a job where she might get beat up everyday because it was the opportunity to work with kids and where she felt God wanted her. Maybe I need to find that girl again.
That is where I am at today, and my thoughts today. It's a Journey though, and I am anxious to see what God is doing, but it is on his timing not mine. My prayer is to not be holding the plow paying attention to everything else but what God is doing with me. I want to grab on and ride like the wind bulls eye straight ahead, focused and clear! It's a Journey though...

Until Next Time,

Sunday, May 16, 2010

Mind Your Mouth...

As part of my journey over seeking and following God's Call in my life, I have once again ran into some opposition. I'm glad to say this time in encountering my opposition, I have found encouragement and the Lord has sent me others to speak encouragement in my life. I have learned a valuable lesson this week, from experiencing well- meaning Christians throwing their opinions at me. With out thinking twice about what they were saying, or how discouraging it was to me following God's Will in my life. A lesson my Mother taught me from a young age, and maybe your mother the same. The lesson of minding our mouths!
It was announced this week at work that if I were to return next year what my position would be. Which is different than what I do now, but is still an aide position for $12,000 a year I assure you. It comes equipped with more hours away from my family, more responsibility, more stress, more after hours that you are not paid for, and so on. Needless to say, Adam and I are still following what we feel God is leading us to which is me not returning to work next year to stay home with our two little ones. When people have asked me, I have been honest to what we are leaning towards and let's just say the responses have been shocking.
A couple of women who do not have an existent walk with the Lord that I'm aware of told me, "I was Crazy, I have such a wonderful job and this is such a wonderful opportunity I'd be crazy not to take it." Another told me, "When we can't pay our bills because I'm not working don't call her because she told me that would happen." These kind of responses from non-Christians I could expect and let roll of me. I don't expect the loss to get someone making sacrifices for what the Lord is Calling them too.
Now comes the well meaning Christian responses. "You need this job for your resume when you do finish your degree and are able to start teaching, it will look bad if you quit now." Another quote, "Your children are resilient, they will adjust to whatever you decide to do. They seem far from emotionally disturbed to me, so what if Trent lays in bed crying for you at night because he's gone several days with out seeing you... that's just him playing your guilt factor, don't let him do that!" Another quote, "Just give up your involvement in the church, not your job. If your feeling to overwhelmed and your kids aren't getting enough of you, cut other areas of your life." Another quote, "There are many ways to Mother, your kids will just have to adjust to your limited time with them. You'll have to get more creative with the moments you have with them to Mother them." The Opinions could go on and on!
When I sat back to ponder all that had been said to me... in ONE DAY I could not find a biblical stance in one of them. In fact, I found more non-biblical than biblical. I felt so discouraged, I had been praying all week for God to continue to affirm our decision was the right one. Then, THIS MUCK! The Lesson that I learned is that we as Christians are guilty of speaking before thinking or praying of what God would want us to say. Everyone is entitled to an opinion yes, but should we always share it? That is when my Mother use to say, "Julie Anne.. Mind your mouth!" For those of you that hang out with me on the regular basis that lesson didn't stick so well. I am my Father's daughter and tend to speak my opinion often weather you ask for it, weather it's biblical or not. This week has taught me that I don't like being on the receiving end. That I would hate to be responsible for leading someone to do something differently because I spoke an unbiblical opinion! That's being the devil's helper. It has called me to seek Minding my Mouth the way the Bible tells us to do so.

Proverbs 10:19-21
When words are many, sin is not absent,
but he who holds his tongue is wise.
The tongue of the righteous is choice silver,
but the heart of the wicked is of little value.
The lips of the righteous nourish many,
but fools die for lack of judgment.

So, I will leave you to take this challenge with me! What are we doing and saying to encourage others around us, NOT contributing to the devil's workshop across the street!
Until Next Time,

Monday, May 10, 2010

For the Love of a Mother...

I love when Jonah walks in and has his pajama pants on his head
Talking as if it were nothing out of the ordinary all the while
Running into the occasional wall.
I love when the most profound statements come out of Trenten's mouth
and we wonder where he came up with that, because for once he's not repeating his motor mouth mother! For example, "read your Bible momma' so you be nicer.. right now!"
I love watching imaginations take off into their own world. When my little boy calls himself "the Great Hunter Trenten" and hides in the tall bloomless flower stalks in the backyard that in his mind is a Safari in Africa where he and Jonah are the hunted.
I love in the middle of the night how a King size bed that held two, slowly turns into five... first Trent, about an hour later Jonah, and then the dog Oliver!I can't even move with out Adam helping get them off me! I love how the first thing Trent says when he wakes up is.. "I wuv you momma." and you know he means it with every beat of his little heart.
I love when Jonah gets into the same no no for the hundredth time, and time out didn't phase him a bit. When you go to spank he cries, "NO! I wuv u! Wuv u momma.." as he runs away holding his butt in one hand, and looking behind him to see how close you are on his trail all the while. How do you spank a kid after that?
I love opening up Mother's day gifts that my boys made themselves, and are so proud of. Thanks to my Creative and talented Supermom sister-in-law Jessica, who kept them for a day along with her own two energetic little ones and still managed to make hand painted tiles with their hand prints. The sweetest gift. The best part was her telling the story at Mother's Day about Trent listing the colors in my house by name.. "Pony tail, hot chocolate, etc." Yes, and he's only 4!
I love chasing both the boys through the house acting like a rabid T-Rex and listening to them scream with excitement. I love watching their personalities grow a little more every day into their unique little selves! Thank goodness they have a good sense of humor! They get that from their Mother of course, and need it to survive this crazy house hold.
I love hearing Trent pray little innocent prayers, and Jonah yell AMEN! You'd think being baptist was genetic around here. When Trent gets real excited over something, he's been known to preach a sermon or two!
I love every year when Mother's Day rolls around getting to reflect on the 2 greatest Blessings the Lord ever sent my way that no doctors thought possible. I love every day getting to pour into my little blessings and pray that one day they'll be ready to to sprout blessings of their own.
I read last night an interesting chapter in the book "Lies Women Believe" by Nancy DeMoss. When talking about raising our children and subjecting them to the world, she stated when there is 6-8 inches of snow on the ground no one dreams of taking a newly started plant and exposing it to the weather outside. We don't plant it out there in the Winter and say, "there you go little plant, best of luck in the cold harsh winter hope your still alive come spring!" That's what Green house's are for. To establish a plants roots, make them healthy and strong. Then, when the Season is right plant them outside to grow and thrive.
This made me Love my Mission as a mother all the more, it made me hungry for May 28th to arrive. I can not wait for all the opportunities God is going to lay before me soon with my little ones... I just Love being a Mother!

Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Following "the Call"....

What has God called us to do? For each of us it may be different. For each of us it is something we have to hear from God ourselves on, no one else can discover our "Call" for us. I have struggled, and ultimately faught with God over this for years now. I know with all my heart what God has called me to do. I've known it for years now, but have refussed to let go of control of everything to allow him to make following my Call to the fullest possible. I have stood in God's way.
Now, have I known that I was standing in God's way the entire time? No, I've blamed others and my circumstances for keeping me from following my Call to the fullest. For that, I think of all the wasted years I've spent... that I could have been doing what I knew I should have.
So what is my "Call"? I know that God has called me to stay at home with our two precious little ones for some time now. I have literally never been at peace with me working while they are this little. I do not believe that all Mother's are "Called" to stay home with their children. I have so much respect for the Women who work full time, have a family, and so many other responsibilities. It is not an easy row to hoe! I also have respect for Mother's who heard and felt God's call for their family, and have made the sacrifice of two incomes to follow their hearts.
I might have shared this before, and if I have I'm sorry you're going to hear it again. I knew from the age of five that I was called to be a mother. I never doubted doctor after doctor who said, "children are probably just not possible for you" from the age of sixteen that I would still one day be a mother. I remember leaving a doctors office at seventeen with my Grandmother (because my parents still lived in California, I was already in Texas for College)where a specialist had done a sonogram and surveyed the damage of my female organs. The Specialist said, "You'll never have a baby of your own". My grandmother was nearly distrought. She asked me as we left Why I wasn't upset? I simply replied, "That doctor must not know the God I know.." Simple as that!
When I held my first son in my arms, it was the most amzing feeling! I'm sure all mother's have that first moment story, but it was if I could feel God's presence and him telling me this is your job now! Yet, because of lack of faith that financially we would make it I continued working. Working for my parents wasn't a bad gig for having a newborn. I got to bring him with me until he was almost a year. Then, he started getting into things and so I had to make other arrangments.
I was misserable being away from Trent, unsure of what he was doing through out the day. Feeling like it was my place to be with him, to teach him, to comfort him, to provide for all his needs... and yet I was in an office! Not to long after this decision impossible and unplanned baby number 2 arrived. Jonah was like God's way of hammering home to me that I wasn't doing what he had called me to do. Jonah also went to work with me for a short while, then other arrangments. This time I was only working 2-3 days a week though, and so I didn't feel as guilty. They were getting more of me, than they had in the past.
Then came the decision to work at Tool Elementary Full time. Along with College Full time, and other parts of life. My Children soon were getting less of me than anyone I knew. God began to beat away on me how out of wack my priorities had became, and who was ultimately paying the price for it. I began to seek God on what I should do? I knew the answer soon after with out a doubt, and strangely so did Adam. He came home the same day I did and said, "You need to quit your job, and stay home next year with the boys." This coming from someone who had never understood or agreed with why I would want to do this in the first place. It was monumental! We still didn't know how? How would God work all this out financially?
We continued to pray, and God continued to work. Adam and I thought we knew exactly how it was all going to work out... and then came the curve balls! A very wise person told me Sunday night, that a good sign you're doing what God wants is when Satan starts to attack. Well, Satan's been visiting here for about a month. Causing me to renig on our plans, and say, "its just not going to work out." I have an absolute fear that if I make the decision to stay home next year that my family might starve! Oh' ye of little faith is right!
I have not experienced peace in a month since I reniged and decided I would have to return to work. I still fear the what ifs? I still have moments where I lack the faith that this is what I need to do. After Sunday nights sermon, and God dealing with me... I'm still a little scared but I know that I have to step out and follow the Call! This is now my prayer:

Psalms 143
O Lord hear my prayer,
listen to my cry for mercy
in your faithfulness and righteousness
come to my relief.
Do not bring your servant into judgment,
for no one living is righteous before you.

The enemy pursues me,
he crushes me to the ground;
he makes me dwell in darkness
like those long dead
So my spirit grows faint within me;
my heart within me is dismayed.

I remember the days of long ago;
I meditate on all your works
and consider what your hands have done.
I spread out my hands to you;
my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord.
My spirit fails
Do not hide your face from me
or I will be like those who go down to the pit

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in you.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I lift up my soul.
Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord,
for I hide myself in you.
for you are my God;
may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

For your name sake, O Lord, perserve my life;
in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble
In your unfailing love, silence my enemies:
destroy all my foes,
for I am your servant.

Please pray with me that God will continue to move mountains to open doors for our family. I have watched him move all around me, and am ready for him to move through me.
Until Next Time,

Friday, April 23, 2010

Struggling Point...

I don't know when it started, if I could recall the exact moment... but it has. Was it today when they came through work handing out packets showing our insurance costs are going to double for next year? Leaving me officially bringing home nothing, working for insurance, child care, and gas to work. Was it early in the week, when Adam was in the Hospital with Pneumonia and thinking straight on literally minutes of sleep instead of hours just wasn't possible. Was it tonight when I watched my husband with great disappointment send an E-Mail to notify the City of Carrollton that he would be unable to attend their testing tomorrow due to not being well enough to perform the physical adgility round of testing. I'm not really sure when it was, but all of my emotions have caught up to me and I am undoubtedly struggling.
All I can think to do is Pray, and write... writing seems to help me work through what I'm thinking and feeling more so than talking. I wish I had a way to see ahead into what God is doing here. I wish I knew why he was throwing us one curve ball after another? I really want to ask why all in one week! Yet, I laugh through my tears because in all this mess I know that I know that I know God is here, and he's in control. I wish I could PLAN, I would plan a party at this point just to feel like I could plan something in life again because God has flipped my planning basket upside down! As a woman, THIS SUCKS! As a christian IT SUCKS, but in a good/bad way because it is making me rely and grow with God in ways I never have before.
In this past week I have experienced strength through him I never knew I could possibly possess! I know I need to be praising him, but I just keep struggling with the what am I going to do? What are we going to do? How bad is it going to get? Kind of thoughts. This is some more of that real me you may not be able to handle, but it is where I'm at tonight. I pray for a better tomorrow!
Until Next Time,

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Coca- Cola VS. Sprite in Life...

One Summer, my father inflicted great suffering on all of his children when he came up with the idea to vacation with his boss, his bosses wife, and their one and only daughter. When I say one and only, believe me you knew it with in the first five minutes of meeting her. From the time I was five, my father had constantly made me "be friends" with this girl. I didn't usually have a problem being friends with anyone, but for some reason this brat and I had a hard time clicking.
It wasn't just me, my brothers couldn't stand her either. Everything she did aggravated the mess out of the two of them. Yet, my father strongly encouraged us that we would be nice anyway. So we set off across country in a motor home for two weeks with the biggest selfish bratty princess this country has encountered. If the majority of the group was going one way, she was going the other I assure you. Once her mom and dad realized she was going the other way, they would go the other way with her. If we voted to stop at Whataburger, she voted Burger King that California had plenty of. If we were assigned chores, princess wasn't. If we slept outside in a sleeping bag, princess had a bed indoors. Finally to reach my point, if we drank coke she had to have Sprite.
My mom refused to buy fifty different kind of sodas for everyone. All the adults drank diet coke, all of us kids other than princess drank coke. Princess refused to drink coke, and even cried at a meal because she didn't have anymore sprite to drink. Which was like the straw that broke the camels back for my brothers and I. Of course, her parents rallied around her. They suggested Princess explain to the group why she refused to drink colored sodas anymore. So princess explained that when you drink darker colored sodas she read in a study that it dyes your intestines dark over time. Yet, if you drink sodas with no color your intestines stay a nice healthy pinkish white color which was important to her health wise.
We listened carefully as she explained her concerns over a dark colored soda, and in classic Julie Crye fashion I replied, "Are you planning on seeing your intestines any time soon? Cause' I'm not, in fact I'm pretty sure I'll make my whole life with out examining my own intestines!" Needless to say the rest of the vacation was even funner than it had been up to that point, and yes Princess got her Sprite!
Don't ask me why, but the other day this crossed my mind. How much my life resembles my attitude of drinking Coca- Cola. Yes, I still do, when I do chose to have some caffeine. If anyone ever saw my intestines one day, I'm sure it would be the most dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, vile sight anyone had ever experienced. Yet, the chances of anyone beyond a doctor with expertise in the intestinal area seeing my intestines is slim to none, so I rarely ever think, worry, or take measures to insure my intestines will be pretty when and if they do.
I thought of how much sin, and just stuff I have in my life, mind, and heart right now that is dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, and vile if I ever let it out for anyone to see. If I opened my mouth enough to say more than I actually do (I know isn't that scary, can u imagine me even more tell it like it is!). I think if people really knew me, my thoughts, my fears, and all my really deep imperfections they would probably walk away and not talk to me anymore, probably even remove me as a friend from their face book page. Maybe a fake smile here or there in passing, but that's as good as it would get.
The truth is sometimes I scare myself, I'm like, "did I just think that?" or "did I just say that?" Yep, it's stinkier than poop sometimes. I know that my true cleansing doesn't come from some Go-lightly, or by drinking Sprite to keep my intestines "pretty". It comes through my hungry and thirsty times with God. When I cling to him, and try and wait patiently to hear from him on which direction to go. God is CONSTANTLY at work in cleansing me, refocusing my extreme multitasking spirit to what is important to him. Sometimes I throw tantrums like a only child Princess I once knew myself, but with God. I even questioned him this week on if he remembered me and my dreams?
Yeah... remember that say what you think mentality I was talking about earlier. I do it with God too, which is not so smart most of the time. He answered quickly though. It's funny how God works, and how stupid we his sheep can be. He answered me, and I'm still sitting here saying was that you answering me Lord, or is this just a big coincidence! I know in my heart what he's saying, I'm just scared of it, and scared to believe that's what he wants from me. There is some of that nasty stuff coming out, that people don't know what to do with.
This is me, I guarantee you over the next couple of months you will see some of this journey God is taking me on. You may not want to, what I say might upset you, you might not agree with... but it's what I'm thinking as God deals with my heart and changes my life. Sometimes to get to a finished product, you have to wade through some crap!
Until next time,

Sunday, February 7, 2010

The Never Ending Delima of Motherhood...

As Mother's there are always things we face with our Children that are Never Ending it seems. Around our house its laundry, dishes, cleaning the toy room, and cooking meals. Trenten often asks, "Didn't we just do dat momma'?" Yes we did, and as we Mother's have all come to learn... we'll do it again, and again, and again. The responsibilities that come with Motherhood are endless, you don't get to do them once and be done. It's a day after day task, and is not meant for weak.
I have had the joy of reading a book, "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I'm still not completely finished, but boy has this book stirred the pot around our house! I'm surprised Adam has not taken it and hidden it from me, but I will not regret the realizations this book has made me come to. Yet, its dealing with those realizations that makes it hard.
My greatest ambition from the time I was 5 years old, was to me a mother. I'm talking the all out minivan soccer mom profile! My mother was a stay at home mom through the majority of my raising. Both my parents strived for me to go to College, get married only if I must.. they did not want me to follow in my mother's footsteps of Graduating High School, getting married, and start shooting out one baby after another. Yet, in the end the way I did it wasn't much different.
The greatest dilemma that I face as a mother, is the strong desire and calling within my heart that I have felt before Trenten ever arrived in this world to stay home with my children, to make my home my primary responsibility, and to teach my children myself. I constantly feel guilty because I would literally need a 48 hour day to complete everything I have to do right now. At the end of the day I feel like my boss's at work are happy for a job well done, my professor's are happy, I'm able to make all A's in a full load of college classes, the church is happy because there's someone to ride the bus, help in the kids department, and sing every once in a while. Yet the people who suffer the lack of my time, and would probably give me a bad grade if we were on a grading system would be my Husband and mostly my precious 2 little boys.
The guilt of that is hard to swallow. When your children scream and cry every morning because you leave them behind to go to a job, and teach other children who can't even behave in a classroom by themselves... you start to wonder what am I doing? Why am I putting them through this? Let's see, I bring home around $10,000 a year, to bounce my children to a different family members house every day in the wee hours of the morning because I can't even afford daycare... does this make sense to anyone else?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the people I work with. The reasoning behind taking the job to begin with was that it is in the teaching field, and that's what I'm going to school for. It's just when you feel like your children are the ones sacrificing everything because there are not enough hours in a day, where will there ever be peace in that? When and where does that Dilemma end? When they're grown and gone and I'm left hoping the one day a week that I was able to spend any time with them was enough?
The way my schedule is now M-F I'm gone by 6:15am. On Monday's and Wed. I have night classes at TVCC in Athens. On Wed. I have tutoring before class at 4pm all the way until class starts. I get home from that class around 10pm, and I have not seen my children at all. Monday are not much better, I come home from work, cook dinner, and then leave for my class. They are usually in bed by the time I get home that night also. Tuesday's I have assignments due in my Internet class, which usually take a couple hours to complete and turn in. So even though I'm here, they do not get any of my attention really. Thursday's thru Saturday's Adam works. So I get off work, go pick the kids up, come home cook dinner, bath time, and I usually have homework to work on also. So my children maybe get thirty minutes of me before they go to bed.
I am certain that there are other mother's who feel my pain. Who struggle with the same. I am just consumed with guilt right now that my children are paying a heavy price for my decisions. Please do not feel if you are a full time working mother, that I am knocking you right now for being just that. I am just saying, that I can't find the balance in it anymore. I don't want to wake up one day when my kids are teenagers or out of the house, and have nothing but regret because I didn't make an impact on their lives everyone else around them did!
The icing on the cake for what I need to do came this week when I took both boys for the yearly check ups and vaccinations. The Pediatrician went over several things with Trenten and said, "You know his fine motor skills are really lacking. If your not going to work with him on these areas, than maybe you need to put him in daycare.. because they will." Not what I needed that day!
I made the decision this week to no longer argue with Adam over what to do. I have decided to just take it to God in Prayer. As of right now, we have 2 plans I am praying for A! Adam knows that I am blogging about this, and he asked if who ever reads this would give some feedback. So Please, tell us what you think.

Plan A
Adam is going to apply for different jobs and try to have a higher paying one by August. If so, I will be able to stay at home with the boys, and continue working on finishing my degree which will still take 2 more years at A&M Navarro.

Plan B
Adam doesn't get a different job, or any other supplemental income and I return to my job in August. Trenten will start Pre-K at school where I work, and Jonah will have to go to daycare.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

A Gift From God...

Julie and Tammy Last Spring on one of her visits to Malakoff

This weekend I spent some time in Houston with my Best Friend Tammy and her sweet family. Sadly in all the hustle and bustle of the weekend no pictures were taken, so this old photo above will have to do for now. During our visit together, I was reminded how precious the gift of a true friend is. It is such a gift from God to be allowed a friendship like Tammy and I have. As each day passes, I am forever becoming more and more grateful to the God in which we Love and Serve for allowing me Tammy.
It was the Summer of 2000, I was working at J.C. Penney's at the Deerbrook mall and taking classes at the local Community College in Kingwood. What I was really doing was enjoying my freedoms for the first time in my life from the firm grasp of Jim Crye, and literally having the time of my life. I wasn't wild per say, but I was having fun and on the road that could have led there. Summer had began, and with that came the pool of young new hires at J.C. Penney's. Tammy Hatley was one of them.
The first day I saw her, she was completing her training on computer modules and I passed her coming out of the break room. She had the hugest smile on her face, that made you have to smile back. She even said Hi as we passed, even though she didn't know me.. instead of it being weird though it brightened my day. It left me thinking, I wish I was more like that girl! That was just in passing.
A few days later, we were assigned to the Purse Department together. Needless to say, Purse sells were up that week! Tammy and I were like a dynamic duo. We made customers laugh, and buy more stuff. It was good times. Then, we started hanging out on our time off together, and were basically joined at the hip through out that summer. Tammy was the good influence on me. When I'd tell her things I was doing that I knew better than to be doing, she was the friend that had no problem telling me you shouldn't be doing that. She was the Friend that encouraged me when I made good decisions, instead of rebellious ones.. yet, stood by me even when I failed miserably! She was the friend who prayed for me, and her family was "that family" who ministered to me through example not preaching. They were as Welcoming to me, as Tammy was at a time in my life that I really needed that.
Summer ended, and Tammy went to a Bible College in Canada. I remember standing at the airport with her then boyfriend Jacob and her parents and putting her on a plane. Her mom said, "To think the two of you met at J.C. Penney's!". My heart sank that day, I had lost my running buddy and the one friend I had that was any good for me. She loved me as Jesus would have, and stood by me through all my stupid decisions. When most other Christians would have disconnected themselves.
After that life began to move pretty fast for us. I moved from Houston, to the Athens area to live with in the grasps of Jim Crye again. He had caught on that I was having the best time of my life with out him and decided to nip that in the bud! Tammy came home from Bible College and after breaking up with Jacob, swearing to never have anything to do with him again, and on one of my visits to Houston to see my Grandparents announced that she was marrying him. I remember my response being, "but I thought we didn't like Bob (what I call him) anymore." My heart sank some more, because now I was really really loosing my running buddy, but I always thought her and Jacob were meant to be so it could have been worst! I was counting my blessings that I was the one friend of Tammy's that he could stand.
Tammy and Jacob got married at 19, moved off to Kansas. In the mean time, I was busy falling in love with Adam. Adam and I get married on short notice, I remember Tammy calling to say she worked out getting to come to our Wedding, and I said, "Never mind we already did that!" That was a good laugh. We lost touch for about a year after that, do to moves and number changes. I was trying to get a hold of her parents, and she called my Grandparents to get my new number. We talk on the phone and catch up, come to find out her and Jacob had moved to Arlington. So, we decide to meet up. Sitting in Jason's Deli, we find out not only am I pregnant, but she's pregnant and it's twins!
So began our journey together as wives, and now mother's. Another huge blessing from God, was a friend to call and say is your baby doing this? The reassurance for a first time mom that some things are perfectly normal is priceless! Trenten, Haleigh, and Hannah were born exactly a week apart from each other. The journey of what woman struggle with within, has been much easier and sweeter going it together with Tammy.
The greatest battle to walk through together has been her struggle with cancer. During her unplanned and unexpected pregnancy with their son Drew who is a month older than Jonah, Dr.'s discovered a mass on Tammy's Pancreas, Liver, and Spleen that had to be removed with in a couple of weeks of delivering Drew. Talk about rocking your world. Having twin 19 month olds, a new born, and cancer. Yet, she handled it with such strength and Grace that could only come from God alone.
After nearly two years of waiting on weather treatment would be necessary or not, waiting for cancer cells to grow inside her body... a cystic mass shows up on an ovary. Now it's back to the drawing board, removing the cystic mass to see what it is... and yet the pillar of strength still stands. After watching a mother of three this weekend, hurting in pain but not willing to show it until the kids are asleep in the bed.. a mother who cries for her children not herself, that her children cry when she goes to Dr.'s offices or Hospitals because they worry the Dr.'s won't give their mommy back for a while. No three year old should fear that, or even have knowledge of hospitals and Dr.'s to the extent they do.
My Prayer, is for Healing for Tammy, Strength for her, Jacob, and all of her family to with stand the trial. For her children to have comfort and peace that only God can bring. Every time I start to doubt in my mind that God is bigger than all of this, I think of how precious a Gift Tammy is to everyone she comes in contact with... I just refuse to believe that God is done with her yet.
I can not Thank her enough for being the friend to me that she has been. I often describe our friendship as the female version of David and Johnathan in the Bible. One in Spirit since the day we met. I am so grateful for a friendship that blossomed out of J.C. Penney's ten years ago. The amount of trials that we have walked through together in our families, marriages, child raising, and life have been much easier together than they would have been apart. I am Thankful for the years of loud laughter, and good times that have accumulated.
I hope that each of you have a friend like Tammy that God has blessed you with to walk through Life together. I challenge you to take a moment to reflect on how Thankful you are for that person's place in your life tonight. We all take so much for granted each day, and God layed it on my heart not to let another day pass with out praising him for the gift of a True Friend.
Thank You Tammy for being the Awesome friend you are. The friend that can see my house a mess, take me to the ER with my eye infected, and letting me tell you anything knowing it goes no further than you and I. For always being encouraging, loving, honest, and straight to the point all in one beautiful package. Thank you for marrying a man who will put up with us, and allow us to be together... I know it's not an easy pill to swallow! Thank you for letting God shine through you always, and challenging me with out even knowing it to be more like that. Having everything on your plate, and others seeing Jesus in you is amazing. You are the Johnathan who gives his robe right off his back, and goes the extra mile with his sword, and belt. You make those around you feel like David, Shepard boys in the presence of royalty! You are an amazing woman, and you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Remember that in the weeks to come!
Until Next Time,