Coca- Cola VS. Sprite in Life...

One Summer, my father inflicted great suffering on all of his children when he came up with the idea to vacation with his boss, his bosses wife, and their one and only daughter. When I say one and only, believe me you knew it with in the first five minutes of meeting her. From the time I was five, my father had constantly made me "be friends" with this girl. I didn't usually have a problem being friends with anyone, but for some reason this brat and I had a hard time clicking.
It wasn't just me, my brothers couldn't stand her either. Everything she did aggravated the mess out of the two of them. Yet, my father strongly encouraged us that we would be nice anyway. So we set off across country in a motor home for two weeks with the biggest selfish bratty princess this country has encountered. If the majority of the group was going one way, she was going the other I assure you. Once her mom and dad realized she was going the other way, they would go the other way with her. If we voted to stop at Whataburger, she voted Burger King that California had plenty of. If we were assigned chores, princess wasn't. If we slept outside in a sleeping bag, princess had a bed indoors. Finally to reach my point, if we drank coke she had to have Sprite.
My mom refused to buy fifty different kind of sodas for everyone. All the adults drank diet coke, all of us kids other than princess drank coke. Princess refused to drink coke, and even cried at a meal because she didn't have anymore sprite to drink. Which was like the straw that broke the camels back for my brothers and I. Of course, her parents rallied around her. They suggested Princess explain to the group why she refused to drink colored sodas anymore. So princess explained that when you drink darker colored sodas she read in a study that it dyes your intestines dark over time. Yet, if you drink sodas with no color your intestines stay a nice healthy pinkish white color which was important to her health wise.
We listened carefully as she explained her concerns over a dark colored soda, and in classic Julie Crye fashion I replied, "Are you planning on seeing your intestines any time soon? Cause' I'm not, in fact I'm pretty sure I'll make my whole life with out examining my own intestines!" Needless to say the rest of the vacation was even funner than it had been up to that point, and yes Princess got her Sprite!
Don't ask me why, but the other day this crossed my mind. How much my life resembles my attitude of drinking Coca- Cola. Yes, I still do, when I do chose to have some caffeine. If anyone ever saw my intestines one day, I'm sure it would be the most dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, vile sight anyone had ever experienced. Yet, the chances of anyone beyond a doctor with expertise in the intestinal area seeing my intestines is slim to none, so I rarely ever think, worry, or take measures to insure my intestines will be pretty when and if they do.
I thought of how much sin, and just stuff I have in my life, mind, and heart right now that is dark, nasty, disgusting, repelling, and vile if I ever let it out for anyone to see. If I opened my mouth enough to say more than I actually do (I know isn't that scary, can u imagine me even more tell it like it is!). I think if people really knew me, my thoughts, my fears, and all my really deep imperfections they would probably walk away and not talk to me anymore, probably even remove me as a friend from their face book page. Maybe a fake smile here or there in passing, but that's as good as it would get.
The truth is sometimes I scare myself, I'm like, "did I just think that?" or "did I just say that?" Yep, it's stinkier than poop sometimes. I know that my true cleansing doesn't come from some Go-lightly, or by drinking Sprite to keep my intestines "pretty". It comes through my hungry and thirsty times with God. When I cling to him, and try and wait patiently to hear from him on which direction to go. God is CONSTANTLY at work in cleansing me, refocusing my extreme multitasking spirit to what is important to him. Sometimes I throw tantrums like a only child Princess I once knew myself, but with God. I even questioned him this week on if he remembered me and my dreams?
Yeah... remember that say what you think mentality I was talking about earlier. I do it with God too, which is not so smart most of the time. He answered quickly though. It's funny how God works, and how stupid we his sheep can be. He answered me, and I'm still sitting here saying was that you answering me Lord, or is this just a big coincidence! I know in my heart what he's saying, I'm just scared of it, and scared to believe that's what he wants from me. There is some of that nasty stuff coming out, that people don't know what to do with.
This is me, I guarantee you over the next couple of months you will see some of this journey God is taking me on. You may not want to, what I say might upset you, you might not agree with... but it's what I'm thinking as God deals with my heart and changes my life. Sometimes to get to a finished product, you have to wade through some crap!
Until next time,
Julie

The Never Ending Delima of Motherhood...

As Mother's there are always things we face with our Children that are Never Ending it seems. Around our house its laundry, dishes, cleaning the toy room, and cooking meals. Trenten often asks, "Didn't we just do dat momma'?" Yes we did, and as we Mother's have all come to learn... we'll do it again, and again, and again. The responsibilities that come with Motherhood are endless, you don't get to do them once and be done. It's a day after day task, and is not meant for weak.
I have had the joy of reading a book, "The Mission of Motherhood" by Sally Clarkson. I'm still not completely finished, but boy has this book stirred the pot around our house! I'm surprised Adam has not taken it and hidden it from me, but I will not regret the realizations this book has made me come to. Yet, its dealing with those realizations that makes it hard.
My greatest ambition from the time I was 5 years old, was to me a mother. I'm talking the all out minivan soccer mom profile! My mother was a stay at home mom through the majority of my raising. Both my parents strived for me to go to College, get married only if I must.. they did not want me to follow in my mother's footsteps of Graduating High School, getting married, and start shooting out one baby after another. Yet, in the end the way I did it wasn't much different.
The greatest dilemma that I face as a mother, is the strong desire and calling within my heart that I have felt before Trenten ever arrived in this world to stay home with my children, to make my home my primary responsibility, and to teach my children myself. I constantly feel guilty because I would literally need a 48 hour day to complete everything I have to do right now. At the end of the day I feel like my boss's at work are happy for a job well done, my professor's are happy, I'm able to make all A's in a full load of college classes, the church is happy because there's someone to ride the bus, help in the kids department, and sing every once in a while. Yet the people who suffer the lack of my time, and would probably give me a bad grade if we were on a grading system would be my Husband and mostly my precious 2 little boys.
The guilt of that is hard to swallow. When your children scream and cry every morning because you leave them behind to go to a job, and teach other children who can't even behave in a classroom by themselves... you start to wonder what am I doing? Why am I putting them through this? Let's see, I bring home around $10,000 a year, to bounce my children to a different family members house every day in the wee hours of the morning because I can't even afford daycare... does this make sense to anyone else?
Don't get me wrong, I love my job. I love the people I work with. The reasoning behind taking the job to begin with was that it is in the teaching field, and that's what I'm going to school for. It's just when you feel like your children are the ones sacrificing everything because there are not enough hours in a day, where will there ever be peace in that? When and where does that Dilemma end? When they're grown and gone and I'm left hoping the one day a week that I was able to spend any time with them was enough?
The way my schedule is now M-F I'm gone by 6:15am. On Monday's and Wed. I have night classes at TVCC in Athens. On Wed. I have tutoring before class at 4pm all the way until class starts. I get home from that class around 10pm, and I have not seen my children at all. Monday are not much better, I come home from work, cook dinner, and then leave for my class. They are usually in bed by the time I get home that night also. Tuesday's I have assignments due in my Internet class, which usually take a couple hours to complete and turn in. So even though I'm here, they do not get any of my attention really. Thursday's thru Saturday's Adam works. So I get off work, go pick the kids up, come home cook dinner, bath time, and I usually have homework to work on also. So my children maybe get thirty minutes of me before they go to bed.
I am certain that there are other mother's who feel my pain. Who struggle with the same. I am just consumed with guilt right now that my children are paying a heavy price for my decisions. Please do not feel if you are a full time working mother, that I am knocking you right now for being just that. I am just saying, that I can't find the balance in it anymore. I don't want to wake up one day when my kids are teenagers or out of the house, and have nothing but regret because I didn't make an impact on their lives everyone else around them did!
The icing on the cake for what I need to do came this week when I took both boys for the yearly check ups and vaccinations. The Pediatrician went over several things with Trenten and said, "You know his fine motor skills are really lacking. If your not going to work with him on these areas, than maybe you need to put him in daycare.. because they will." Not what I needed that day!
I made the decision this week to no longer argue with Adam over what to do. I have decided to just take it to God in Prayer. As of right now, we have 2 plans I am praying for A! Adam knows that I am blogging about this, and he asked if who ever reads this would give some feedback. So Please, tell us what you think.

Plan A
Adam is going to apply for different jobs and try to have a higher paying one by August. If so, I will be able to stay at home with the boys, and continue working on finishing my degree which will still take 2 more years at A&M Navarro.

Plan B
Adam doesn't get a different job, or any other supplemental income and I return to my job in August. Trenten will start Pre-K at school where I work, and Jonah will have to go to daycare.

A Gift From God...

Julie and Tammy Last Spring on one of her visits to Malakoff


This weekend I spent some time in Houston with my Best Friend Tammy and her sweet family. Sadly in all the hustle and bustle of the weekend no pictures were taken, so this old photo above will have to do for now. During our visit together, I was reminded how precious the gift of a true friend is. It is such a gift from God to be allowed a friendship like Tammy and I have. As each day passes, I am forever becoming more and more grateful to the God in which we Love and Serve for allowing me Tammy.
It was the Summer of 2000, I was working at J.C. Penney's at the Deerbrook mall and taking classes at the local Community College in Kingwood. What I was really doing was enjoying my freedoms for the first time in my life from the firm grasp of Jim Crye, and literally having the time of my life. I wasn't wild per say, but I was having fun and on the road that could have led there. Summer had began, and with that came the pool of young new hires at J.C. Penney's. Tammy Hatley was one of them.
The first day I saw her, she was completing her training on computer modules and I passed her coming out of the break room. She had the hugest smile on her face, that made you have to smile back. She even said Hi as we passed, even though she didn't know me.. instead of it being weird though it brightened my day. It left me thinking, I wish I was more like that girl! That was just in passing.
A few days later, we were assigned to the Purse Department together. Needless to say, Purse sells were up that week! Tammy and I were like a dynamic duo. We made customers laugh, and buy more stuff. It was good times. Then, we started hanging out on our time off together, and were basically joined at the hip through out that summer. Tammy was the good influence on me. When I'd tell her things I was doing that I knew better than to be doing, she was the friend that had no problem telling me you shouldn't be doing that. She was the Friend that encouraged me when I made good decisions, instead of rebellious ones.. yet, stood by me even when I failed miserably! She was the friend who prayed for me, and her family was "that family" who ministered to me through example not preaching. They were as Welcoming to me, as Tammy was at a time in my life that I really needed that.
Summer ended, and Tammy went to a Bible College in Canada. I remember standing at the airport with her then boyfriend Jacob and her parents and putting her on a plane. Her mom said, "To think the two of you met at J.C. Penney's!". My heart sank that day, I had lost my running buddy and the one friend I had that was any good for me. She loved me as Jesus would have, and stood by me through all my stupid decisions. When most other Christians would have disconnected themselves.
After that life began to move pretty fast for us. I moved from Houston, to the Athens area to live with in the grasps of Jim Crye again. He had caught on that I was having the best time of my life with out him and decided to nip that in the bud! Tammy came home from Bible College and after breaking up with Jacob, swearing to never have anything to do with him again, and on one of my visits to Houston to see my Grandparents announced that she was marrying him. I remember my response being, "but I thought we didn't like Bob (what I call him) anymore." My heart sank some more, because now I was really really loosing my running buddy, but I always thought her and Jacob were meant to be so it could have been worst! I was counting my blessings that I was the one friend of Tammy's that he could stand.
Tammy and Jacob got married at 19, moved off to Kansas. In the mean time, I was busy falling in love with Adam. Adam and I get married on short notice, I remember Tammy calling to say she worked out getting to come to our Wedding, and I said, "Never mind we already did that!" That was a good laugh. We lost touch for about a year after that, do to moves and number changes. I was trying to get a hold of her parents, and she called my Grandparents to get my new number. We talk on the phone and catch up, come to find out her and Jacob had moved to Arlington. So, we decide to meet up. Sitting in Jason's Deli, we find out not only am I pregnant, but she's pregnant and it's twins!
So began our journey together as wives, and now mother's. Another huge blessing from God, was a friend to call and say is your baby doing this? The reassurance for a first time mom that some things are perfectly normal is priceless! Trenten, Haleigh, and Hannah were born exactly a week apart from each other. The journey of what woman struggle with within, has been much easier and sweeter going it together with Tammy.
The greatest battle to walk through together has been her struggle with cancer. During her unplanned and unexpected pregnancy with their son Drew who is a month older than Jonah, Dr.'s discovered a mass on Tammy's Pancreas, Liver, and Spleen that had to be removed with in a couple of weeks of delivering Drew. Talk about rocking your world. Having twin 19 month olds, a new born, and cancer. Yet, she handled it with such strength and Grace that could only come from God alone.
After nearly two years of waiting on weather treatment would be necessary or not, waiting for cancer cells to grow inside her body... a cystic mass shows up on an ovary. Now it's back to the drawing board, removing the cystic mass to see what it is... and yet the pillar of strength still stands. After watching a mother of three this weekend, hurting in pain but not willing to show it until the kids are asleep in the bed.. a mother who cries for her children not herself, that her children cry when she goes to Dr.'s offices or Hospitals because they worry the Dr.'s won't give their mommy back for a while. No three year old should fear that, or even have knowledge of hospitals and Dr.'s to the extent they do.
My Prayer, is for Healing for Tammy, Strength for her, Jacob, and all of her family to with stand the trial. For her children to have comfort and peace that only God can bring. Every time I start to doubt in my mind that God is bigger than all of this, I think of how precious a Gift Tammy is to everyone she comes in contact with... I just refuse to believe that God is done with her yet.
I can not Thank her enough for being the friend to me that she has been. I often describe our friendship as the female version of David and Johnathan in the Bible. One in Spirit since the day we met. I am so grateful for a friendship that blossomed out of J.C. Penney's ten years ago. The amount of trials that we have walked through together in our families, marriages, child raising, and life have been much easier together than they would have been apart. I am Thankful for the years of loud laughter, and good times that have accumulated.
I hope that each of you have a friend like Tammy that God has blessed you with to walk through Life together. I challenge you to take a moment to reflect on how Thankful you are for that person's place in your life tonight. We all take so much for granted each day, and God layed it on my heart not to let another day pass with out praising him for the gift of a True Friend.
Thank You Tammy for being the Awesome friend you are. The friend that can see my house a mess, take me to the ER with my eye infected, and letting me tell you anything knowing it goes no further than you and I. For always being encouraging, loving, honest, and straight to the point all in one beautiful package. Thank you for marrying a man who will put up with us, and allow us to be together... I know it's not an easy pill to swallow! Thank you for letting God shine through you always, and challenging me with out even knowing it to be more like that. Having everything on your plate, and others seeing Jesus in you is amazing. You are the Johnathan who gives his robe right off his back, and goes the extra mile with his sword, and belt. You make those around you feel like David, Shepard boys in the presence of royalty! You are an amazing woman, and you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you. Remember that in the weeks to come!
Until Next Time,
Julie

Can't help but Worship....

YouTube - Kristene Mueller, Redemption (Jesus Culture)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j_NJy8H7t4Q

My friend Rebecca paid us a visit last Saturday. She accidentally left one of her new favorite CD's in my truck. Her sister-in-law who lives in California sent her this CD. It was by a women named Kristene Mueller, she is a Music Minister at a church in San Franscico. Her church has started a 24 hour a day, praying for the City of San Francsico, and for the Nation. So, she has wrote some music, and I have fell in love while worshiping the Lord to her songs. Most of her song verses are straight from the scripture. This CD has made such a difference in my week. I have cried, sung loud, and even took it into "In School Suspension" this week for my sanity. A teacher came in, and the CD was playing. He said, "You can't play music in ISS!" I replied, "It's for me, not for him... and we can if you want me in here!" I couldn't find my favorite songs on You Tube, but here is a taste of what I could find. I hope it is a blessing to you, as it has been to me. Prepare your hearts for Worship tomorrow!
Until Next Time,
Julie

On a Lighter note...

Okay... this Blog may seem kind of all over the place, but that is just how my life is right now. My last Blog was kind of depressing and sad, so I feel the need to share something just to "lighten" my page a bit. This has been a CRAZY week no doubt, one of many, many, many, to come I am sure!I am just so grateful, that with this CRAZY life comes a Great Big God who is in control.

Where do I even start.... For those of you who don't know I recently took a job working as a one on one aide with some challenging students. I left the comforts of a well paying, part time office job working for my parents... to following God in the career I know he is calling me to, which is teaching. This is definitely a foot in the door to that career, but will be a long road getting through the school year.


Some Days... you'd think Adam and I had switched professions!

This job has it's definite challenges, but is very rewarding at the same time. This week at work has been filled with an emotional roller coaster. The adrenaline rushes, stress headaches, and physical and emotional exhaustion have been at a high this week. Yet, I LOVE my job. I have never felt in my lifetime the peace of being in God's Will like I have since coming to work here.

The Blessings just keep pouring out, and my cup runneth over! The majority of the people I work with are Christians, and that makes such a difference in every day life. They are so encouraging to "We" the one on one aides who never know what our day will consist of. I still am given the opportunity from time to time to teach some lessons to the class, and it makes me look forward to the future when I am finished with school and can do that everyday.



I am so grateful to God for loving and supportive family he has blessed me with. Life around the Estes household has been really stressful with the new job, starting back to College, and Adam's wonderful month on the weekend shift. My husband has been so helpful around here. The last 2 weeks I have came home to a clean house on his days off, despite him having dental work done every week. He had a tooth pulled, that resulted in a dry sock it, and lots of pain... but yet he cleaned the house! He called his mom for some help one day, but that's fine by me... I have a clean house. So Kudos to my husband and Mother-in-law for saving my sanity.



I miss my husband who has been working weekend's all month, so naturally we rarely see each other. Which makes for a marriage full of communication, and happy memories let me tell you. I will never be so Happy to see this weekend come and go, so I can have my Husband back. Sorry Chandler P.D. I love him more! My kids will be much happier to have us both back also, I feel like they have been so neglected these past couple of weeks.I am definitely ready for some family time! Like this trip to the Freshwater Fisheries in Athens (above).



College, and the 3 classes I'm taking have been crazy! I think I'm going to start calling my Government teacher "Hitler" because of all his reading and assignments he assigns. I have my first test in Government Monday, so please pray for me... I didn't grow up being brain washed on Texas and the way they do things... so it's all new for me. The hard part about this class, is learning the way the House and Senate do things in Washington, along with the way the house and senate do things in Texas.
For example, here our 2 actual key terms from my chapters over Texas Government:
Pigeonholed- Term for effectively killing a bill brought to the committee table.
Little Legislatures- Instead of calling a committee by the proper term "Standing Committee" here in Texas they call them Little legislatures.
Not that any of you care to know these, but do you see my frustration with the Texas Government right now! Pray for me as I take my First test Monday night, and pray for my children as I will be neglecting them once again this weekend to study!
Hope I have not bored you all to much, but at least now the Estes Daily Review has been updated. Maybe this post will cut me some Blogger Slack since now you know why I'm too busy to update!
Until Next Time,
Julie

You know you Live in the Ghetto When...

Adam and I have dealt with the fact over the last year that what was once a nice, peaceful neighborhood has slowly but surely turned in to a Ghetto. We still find ourselves greatful to God for the roof he has provided for us over our heads, and the sadest part is that we really love our little cozy house, just not where it is located. It is days like today in the Ghetto when we struggle to keep to our agreement to wait it out here until I'm through with my schooling.
Today Adam had to work, so he left at 5am to head to Chandler. Both the boys were up by 6am, Trenten was complaining his stomach hurt, and Jonah had a runny diaper. What a great start to the day. I was contemplating taking the kids to Houston to visit Tammy, but not now. Not with them potentially having the stomach bug that's been going around.
So, as the morning went on they seemed to be doing okay, just a little cranky. By 11am they could go no more. Jonah was in melt down phase, and Trenten was asking to go to bed. So I made a quick lunch, and after they ate I took them to their room at the front of the house to take a nap. As I was laying them down, I heard a horn just being laid on out in the front of the house. This is not uncommon with the drug house that is to the left of us. I kept telling myself, just let it go, just ignore it. The horn would not stop, and Jonah and Trenten were just a cryin'.
Finally after a few minutes the continuous honking quit. Then came the cussing extravaganza. Every cuss word you could possibly imagine being yelled in the street clear as day in my children's bedroom. I turned the CD player on with Barlowgirl playing, and you could still hear the cussing loud and clear over the music. Trenten looked up at me and says, "Momma, those not nice words!" Then, I had had enough. Protective momma reared her ugly head.
I went out the front door to find the meth dealing neighbor who lives to the left of us cussing out my neighbor across the street who had just been sitting out on her porch like she always does on Saturdays. I yelled "Hey! That's enough...I don't care who started it, I've got to kids in here trying to take a nap who don't feel good who can hear every word you're yelling. This is totally inappropriate! If you want to talk like that, go in you're house and talk like that... none of us want to hear it." Well needless to say, the meth dealing neighbor then proceeded to calling me every name in the book of Cussing. All the neighbors who were witnessing her sherade especially loved it when she called me a "Cop F#*!#*% Wh#*%". My response was, "Well I guess you're somewhat right on that one, I am married to one." It frustrated the mess out of her that I would not Cuss her back. She continued to threaten all the neighbors who were out in their yards, she was going to "Whop all our a#*!*".
My favorite was watching her run in her house when the Malakoff Police Officer pulled in. After he took my statement, and all the other neighbors he was able to site her with three charges. I wish that would be enough to make her quit disturbing the peace, but probably not. Just another day in the Ghetto around here.
Until Next Time,
Julie

Taking time to Stop & Smell the Roses....

The pictures above were taken Easter Sunday, but they made for good imagery of the lesson I was reminded of today. Sometimes life gets so busy with every day occurrences that we forget to stop and enjoy the blessings God has given us. Today was an awesome day. This was my last Tuesday off with the kiddos, and we made the best of it. We enjoyed playing over at Jenna's house, and making mini pizza's together. I was the only mother there that didn't take pictures of the event, so let's just add that to the list of how I don't have it all together! Thanks again Jenna for the memories!
As many of you may know, Adam has worked the night shift for a good while now. He Started his first day shift in a while today. He will be on days the next couple of months at least... that is if no one else he works with decides to quit or die! I have learned to just enjoy it while it lasts. Tonight was the first night we have a had a "normal" evening in a long time. I prepared supper, my husband came home and we sat and ate together. It was nice to get to share about how our day went in person. No rush, just adult conversation. That was really nice.
Then we made our lunches for tomorrow, and cleaned the kitchen together. I forgot how nice it is to have help with everything in the evening time. What a blessing! To those of you out there who may be feeling the strains of life coming at you from every direction, don't forget to stop and take a moment to reflect on the blessings God has given you today. It seems to make all the worries float away, when you can just cherish the moment you are in. For as we all may have learned, time passes so quickly and we have no promise of tomorrow.
On that note I bid you good night!
Until next time,
Julie